


Broken Glass

by kayethespade



Series: Nyx Lavellan [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Fantastic Racism, Homophobia, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Mutual Pining, Nonbinary Inquisitor - Freeform, Other, Scene Modification, Talking Animals, Teenage Inquisitor (Dragon Age), Transphobia, Underage Drinking, Young Love, domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-01-06 11:43:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12210609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayethespade/pseuds/kayethespade
Summary: Nyx Lavellan is gloriously thrust into the role of Inquisitor as a teenager. These are some of their adventures.





	1. Chapter 1

Nyx felt a searing pain in the palm of their hand. That was what woke them up. They peered around wearily and saw swords pointed at them. They flinched. Where was their mentor? Where were they? Why were they here?

A door opened and brought flooding light into the dark room. Nyx almost shielded their eyes with their hands. Two figures came into the room before them and began circling like hungry vultures. They could feel tears stinging at their eyes. They were alone and in pain and scared out of their wits.

"Tell me why we shouldn't kill you now. The Conclave is destroyed. Everyone who attended is dead. Except for you." The woman's voice shook with barely constrained rage.

Nyx closed their eyes and took a deep breath to calm themself. They looked up at the two women as more tears overwhelmed them. "What do you mean everyone is dead?"

The dark-haired woman wrenched her arm up. "Explain this." The mark sparked green. They flinched again.

"I-I can't!"

"What do you mean you can't?"

"I don't know what that is or how it got there."

"You're lying!" She shook their shoulders. They sobbed desperately and pulled away. They folded into themself as more tears burst forth.

"Please don't hurt me."

The redhead pulled the other woman back by the arm. "We need her, Cassandra."

"All those people. Dead. My mentor, Va'shelan. Everyone."

"Do you remember what happened? How this all began?" the redhead continued. She felt safer, calmer than the one called Cassandra.

Nyx sniffled pitifully before looking up at her. "I remember running. Things were chasing me. And then...a woman."

"A woman?"

"She reached out to me, but then..."

Cassandra spoke again, instantly setting them on edge. "Go to the forward camp, Leliana. I will take her to the rift."

The redhead, presumably Leliana, looked back to Nyx sympathetically before making a swift exit. They allowed Cassandra to remove the manacles and replace them with rope. They wiped their nose and eyes.

"What did happen?" Nyx asked timidly.

Cassandra brought them to their feet and led them outside. "It will be easier to show you." Nyx stopped in their tracks when they saw the sky. "We call it the Breach. It’s a massive rift into the world of demons that grows larger with each passing hour. It’s not the only such rift, just the largest. All were caused by the explosion at the Conclave.”

"A-An explosion can do that?" They couldn't take their eyes off of it.

"This one did. Unless we act, the Breach may grow until it swallows the world." Nyx watched the Breach expand, and stars exploded in front of their eyes from the exquisite pain in their palm. "Each time the Breach expands, your mark spreads, and it is killing you. It may be the key to stopping this, but there isn't much time."

Nyx drew on some well of inner strength to look her in the eye. "I understand."

"Then...?"

"I'll do what I can. Whatever it takes."

Something in Cassandra's gaze shifted. She was no longer as cold as she had been a moment before. It was almost comforting. Nyx followed her accross the bridge. They heard the jeering of the townfolk but tried not to look at them.

"They have decided your guilt. They need it. The people of Haven mourn our Most Holy, Divine Justinia, head of the Chantry. The Conclave was hers. It was a chance for peace between mages and templars. She brought their leaders together. Now, they are dead."

The gates opened gradually before them as they approached.

"We lash out, like the sky. But we must think beyond ourselves, as she did. Until the breach is sealed.”

Nyx flinched at the sight of Cassandra's dagger. Their eyes begged for mercy. She gave them a dissarming wave of her hand and gestured for theirs. They offered their bound wrists. She cut the rope. Their lips formed a sheepish smile.

"There will be a trial. I can promise no more." She pat their hand and motioned them onwards. "Come. It is not far."

Their voice came out hoarse and shaky. "W-Where are you taking me?"

"Your mark must be tested on something smaller than the Breach."

Nyx followed close behind Cassandra with their head down. They heard noises of fear and destruction. Fires burning. Houses collapsing. It was chaos. It sounded like the end of the world. It nearly felt like it too as the mark grew again. They stumbled and took a knee. Cassandra knelt by them.

"The pulses are coming faster now. The larger the Breach grows, the more rifts appear, the more demons we face."

"How did I survive the blast?" Their voice cracked.

"They said you...stepped out of a rift, then fell unconscious. They say a woman was in the rift behind you. No one knows who she was. Everything farther in the valley was laid waste, including the Temple of Sacred Ashed. I suppose you'll see soon enough." Cassandra helped them back to their feet. They nodded in a brief thanks as they approached another bridge.

Nyx's eyes widened at the sight of a bolt of green light bearing down on them. They backtracked, but the bridge collapsed out from under them. They pushed themself to their feet. Another bolt came down. This time it bore a Shade.

"Stay behind me!" Cassandra drew her sword to attack it. A third bolt arrived right in front of them. Nyx whirled around to find something to defend themself with. Their eyes lit on a staff. They snatched it up and began to cast frost spells as easy as breathing. Soon enough, both Shades were defeated.

Nyx let out a sigh of relief. "It's over." They immediately tensed again when they saw Cassandra's sword pointed at them.

"Drop the staff. Now."

They released an undignified squeak and let the staff clatter to the ice. "Whatever you say, just please don't hurt me."

She looked at them peculiarly. "How old are you?"

"S-Sixteen."

"You're only a child. I had no idea." She lowered her sword and picked up the staff to give it back to them. "Still, you don't need a staff, but you should have one. I cannot protect you, and I cannot expect you to be defenseless." She paused a moment to look them up and down. "I should remember that you agreed to come willingly."

"It is the right thing to do, ma'am. I cannot stand by as the world is destroyed."

"At least you are a child with a good head on her shoulders."

Nyx followed Cassandra for a few paces. "Their shoulders."

"Hmm?"

"I am not a woman, Cassandra. Nor am I a man. I am something entirely else, and so I am referred to as they and them. If I am to possibly die, I do not want to be buried a woman." They felt their spine straighten. Cassandra pat their shoulder.

"You are not going to die. Not while I have something to say about it."

Nyx smiled meekly as they carried on. The two of them fought through more demons, climbing closer to an eerie light in the distance.

"We're getting close to the rift. You can hear the fighting."

"Who's fighting?"

"You'll see soon. We must help them."

Nyx rushed forth off the rock ledge and began casting with a slight flourish. They sent a storm of electricity and brought the butt of their staff to the ground. The group of demons was rapidly dispatched.

"Quickly, before more come through!" A bald man grabbed their wrist and held their hand to the rift. Nyx winced as the scene exploded into light in front of them. When the smoke cleared, the rift was gone.

"What did you do?"

He smirked slightly. "I did nothing. The credit is yours."

Nyx paced and held their hand in their chin. "The mark is some sort of magic, then, though I don't think it can be freely accessed by the affected. It simply interacts with the rifts of its own accord. I didn't actually do anything."

"Whatever magic opened the Breach in the sky also placed that mark upon your hand. I theorized the mark might be able to close the rifts that have opened in the Breach's wake, and it seems I was correct."

Cassandra piped up from behind them. "Meaning it could also close the Breach itself.

The man turned his gaze over Nyx's shoulder. "Possibly." He returned his attention to them with a small smile. "It seems you hold the key to our salvation."

Another man, blond this time, spoke behind Nyx. "Good to know! Here I thought we'd be ass-deep in demons forever." They whirled around to address him. "Varric Tethras. Rogue, storyteller, and occasionally unwelcome tagalong." He sent a confident smirk to Cassandra. She scowled at him, though that was becoming more her characteristic than a separate expression. Nyx had the sense that they were missing out on some history but decided it wasn't their place to ask.

"It's good to meet you, Varric." Nyx showed off a toothy smile.

Solas chuckled a little. "You may reconsider that stance, in time." They cast their eyes down in embarassment.

"Aww, I'm sure we'll become great friends in the valley, Solas."

Cassandra responded with an annoyed tone. "Absolutely not. Your help is appreciated, Varric, but-"

"Have you been in the valley lately, Seeker? Your soldiers aren't in control anymore. You need me." Cassandra's grumbling probably meant he was right.

"My name is Solas, if there are to be introductions. I'm pleased to see you still live, young one."

"He means, 'I kept that mark from killing you while you slept,'" Varric added.

Nyx nodded to him. "Then I owe you my thanks."

"Thank me if we manage to close the Breach without killing you in the process."

Nyx raised an eyebrow at him in defiance. "I am Nyx Lavellan. Let's go stop the end of the world, yes?"

"Cassandra, you should know: the magic involved here is unlike any I have ever seen. She is a mage, but I find it difficult to imagine any mage having such power."

"Understood. We must get to the forward camp quickly."

Varric trotted along beside Nyx. "Well, Bianca's excited!"

Cassandra took the lead. "This way down the bank. The road ahead is blocked."

Solas sounded from behind them. "We must move quickly."

After a few encounters with demons, Varric fell behind and Solas took step beside Nyx. "You are Dalish, but clearly away from the rest of your clan. Did they send you here?"

"What do you know of the Dalish?"

"I have wandered many paths in my time and crossed paths with your people on more than one occasion."

Nyx turned to look sidelong at him. "We are both of the same people, Solas."

He had the gaul to laugh. "The Dalish I met felt...differently on the subject."

Varric called from behind them. "Can't you elves just play nice for once?"

"Clearly, those you met were not of my clan. Several city elves have been welcomed into clan Lavellan with open arms. Granted, many of them take a rather dim view of humans, but that is not uncommon to Dalish clans. Oh! Sorry. I didn't mean to ramble."

"It is quite alright, Nyx. You do not have to apologize for being enthusiastic."

Nyx smiled to themself as they shuffled along. They paused as the mark flared again. Their hand closed into a fist with a pained wince. Cassandra turned to them. A sympathetic look gleamed in her eye.

"I know it's difficult, but we must keep moving."

Nyx nodded and took a few shaky steps. They soon came upon some stairs and began to have some difficulties. Solas placed their arm over his shoulders and helped them keep their balance on the way up. At the top of the stairs, Nyx noticed more demons ahead and shook Solas off to ready their staff. He did the same and stayed right beside them until the enemies were defeated.

They were nearly to the gate. Nyx saw another rift and more accompanying demons. They charged in with a bolt of chain lightning and began casting with a ferocious glare.

"Hurry! Use the mark!" Solas ordered.

Nyx slid up to the rift and put their palm to it. They collapsed to their knees as the lights played in front of their eyes. Sound came back to them with one voice and a hand on their shoulder.

"We are clear for the moment. Well done." Solas assisted them to their feet and towards the gate.

Nyx looked around the small encampment curiously. They extracted themself from Solas' care to replenish their supplies. Whatever was coming ahead, they needed to be prepared. They looked out towards the horizon, almost wishing they could fly beyond. The sun had been overshadowed by the Breach, and clouds dimmed its rays considerably. They had a feeling this was going to be a long day.

They turned at the sound of an angry man's voice, though they weren't familiar with him yet. It wasn't until they approached that they realized he was talking about them.

"Ah, here they come." Was someone finally going to refer to them correctly without them having to say anything?

Leliana's terse expression faded when she saw Nyx. "You made it. Chancellor Roderick, this is-"

"I know who she is." Apparently not. "As Grand Chancellor of the Chantry, I hereby order you to take this criminal to Val Royeaux to face execution."

Nyx steeled their eyes. Their fists clenched involuntarily.

"'Order me'? You are a glorified clerk. A bureaucrat!" It took everything they had not to laugh at that.

"And you are a thug, but a thug who supposedly serves the Chantry!" They already hated this man.

Leliana chose that moment to cut in. "We serve the Most Holy, Chancellor, as you well know."

"Justinia is dead. We must elect her replacement and obey her orders on the matter."

"Isn't closing the Breach the more pressing issue?" Nyx asked. Everyone stared at them in something akin to surprise.

The Chancellor scoffed. "You brought this on us in the first place!" They felt themself shrink from his loud voice. "Call a retreat, Seeker. Our position here is hopeless."

Cassandra's confidence almost reinvigorated their own. "We can stop this before it's too late."

"How? You won't survive long enough to reach the temple, even with all your soldiers."

"We must get to the temple. It's the quickest route." Nyx saw Cassandra's fists curl. They wanted to comfort her, but that wasn't really the time for such things.

Leliana stepped forwards. "But not the safest. Our forces can charge as a distraction while we go through the mountains."

"We lost contact with an entire squad on that path. It's too risky." Cassandra cast her eyes to the ground. Nyx could tell that she hated losing people. They empathized, and for a moment, they ignored the Chancellor's words. Bright pain dragged them back to reality.

Cassandra turned to them. "How do you think we should proceed?"

"Use the mountain path. Work together. You all know what's at stake." Their voice felt stronger for a moment. These people valued their opinion. It was almost refreshing.

"Leliana. Bring everyone left in the valley. Everyone."

Nyx barely heard the Chancellor's call at their backs as they followed Cassandra out of the camp. They felt their knees shaking.

Solas fell in step next to them once again. He noticed how drained they looked. Without further thought, he reached into his pocket and retrieved a tiny bag. "Here. Eat these."

Nyx accepted the pouch and took a peek inside. It contained some dry cookies. They grinned over at him and ate the contents without a word until they'd finished. "Thank you."

"You needed them more than I did."

"I hadn't started much endurance training, so casting this much in quick succession is new. I don't know a very large variety of combat spells either."

"I wouldn't say you're hindered by the number of spells you know. You certainly know how to use a staff, and your timing is impeccable."

"Thank you. My knowledge of strategy was mostly independent study. Most of my talents were used for healing and making food last. Noble pursuits, but-" Nyx cut themself off as they noticed more demons in the clearing ahead. They whipped out their staff with clean precision and took stance fluidly. "I've found I pretty well enjoy this." They fired off a couple shots and ran to another vantage point to avoid retaliation. This carried on until the skirmish had concluded.

Nyx hopped down from a ledge to walk beside Solas again. He smiled slightly. "I wouldn't say that too loudly."

"Oh right. I forget the touchiness about us sometimes. Quite the peculiarity. I mean, of course, Dalish mages have their own trials to go through, but it's so much more stringent in the Circles from what I've heard. I wouldn't say the current situation is much improved, but there has to be some sort of middle ground."

"You are an interesting young woman."

"I am not." Their voice was flat.

"You are not interesting?"

"I am not a woman."

"I have heard of such fluid systems of gender in Dalish clans. Wasn't the hero of Fereldan much as you are?" Their eyes lit up at their hero's mention.

"Yes. They were of clan Mahariel, but they did many of the Dalish proud through their work." Nyx smiled at memories of epic tales around the campfire.

The group came upon the series of mining paths. Nyx tuned out the conversation as they climbed up a few ladders. They were left to their thoughts for the moment. Would they really be willing to make the ultimate sacrifice if the moment came? Would they become a hero or legend? A cautionary tale to tell Dalish children? These questions tormented them as they fought through the mine and eventually emerged into the light once more.

"Guess we found the soldiers," Varric sighed.

Nyx tried not to look at the corpses. This can't have been all of them, and Cassandra asserted as much.

"Our priority must be the Breach. Unless we seal it soon, no one is safe." They bit their tongue at Solas' words.

"I'm leaving that to our elven friend here."

Nyx rolled their eyes. "If I can save other people, I will. We needn't toss aside common decency."

"Of course not. I was simply restating our priorities," Solas assured.

They saw another rift ahead. Nyx cast upon the demons nearby and noticed a few soldiers. They were alive! They had to save them. Nyx ran in and sealed the breech. The lights had become tiny sparks flitting across their vision rather than an earth-shattering conclusion.

"Sealed, as before. You are becoming quite proficient at this." Solas pat their back as they blinked away the dizziness.

"Let's hope it works on the big one." Varric leaned on the fence overlooking the sharp drop off the cliffside.

Cassandra helped one of the soldiers to her feet with a gentle hand.

"Thank the Maker you arrived, Lady Cassandra. I don't think we could have held out much longer."

"Thank our prisoner, Lieutenant. They insisted we come this way."

The soldier turned to Nyx. "The prisoner? Then you...?"

"It was worth saving you, if we could."

"Then you have my sincere gratitude."

Nyx looked down humbly. They found the way forwards while Cassandra directed the soldiers. They considered sliding down the ladder for a moment. In all likelihood, they'd probably land on their ass. They ended up just climbing down normally to avoid embarassment. They took the lead through the winding path in the final stretch to the temple. It was beginning to look familiar, and that made their stomach clench and sour. The air tasted bitter. Like death itself.

Nyx stopped at the sight of so many corpses and skulls. The reality of the situation hit them hard. Could there have been a way to prevent this? Were they not vigilant enough? The voices of their companions didn't reach them. Their heart physically ached. They stepped forwards enough to behold the Breach.

"This is your chance to end this. Are you ready?" Cassandra asked.

Nyx blinked a few times as they refocused their attentions. "I'll try, but I don't know if I can reach that, much less get close to it."

Solas stood beside them. "No. This rift was the first and is the key. Seal it, and perhaps we seal the Breach."

"Then let's find a way down. And be careful." Nyx felt like that assertion was especially pointed at them, but it wasn't something to be concerned with at that moment.

Far more pressing was the mystical voice in the air as they led the way down towards the rift. "Now is the hour of our victory. Bring forth the sacrifice."

Nyx's head felt light and fuzzy. They glanced to the side and saw red crystals growing out of the rock. They took a step back from them and their head cleared. "What is this stuff?"

"Red lyrium." Varric's tone told them that whatever experience he had with it, it couldn't have been good. "How is it here?"

"Magic could have drawn on lyrium beneath the temple, corrupted it." Solas' voice sounded almost hollow at the thought.

"It's evil. Whatever you do, don't touch it."

"Don't have to tell me twice." Nyx hurried past it as the strange voice sounded again. They hopped down from the rock ledge.

"Keep the sacrifice still."

A woman's voice called out. "Someone! Help me!"

"What's going on here?" Nyx heard themself call out indignantly.

Cassandra froze. "That was your voice. Most Holy called out to you. But..." Her voice faded in a flash of white light. Right in front of them, the Divine was raised above the floor, and Nyx entered with their hand raised.

"Run while you can! Warn them!"

"We have an intruder. Slay the elf."

The vision disappeared. They felt Cassandra shaking them by the shoulders and yelling once again. "Was this vision true? What are we seeing?"

Nyx pulled away and steadied themself on their staff. "Please, I don't remember. I would have told you if I did."

Solas stood a bit between them and Cassandra. "Echoes of what happened here. The Fade bleeds into this place. This rift is not sealed, but it is closed...albeit temporarily. I believe with the mark, the rift can be opened and then sealed properly and safely. However, opening the rift will likely attract attention from the other side."

Cassandra nodded. "That means demons. Stand ready!"

Nyx stepped forwards and raised their hand to the rift. The power surged to a bright beam, and it opened with a sound like thunder. The ground shook beneath their feet. They backtracked from the rift as an ogre roared in front of them. The soldiers distracted it well enough while they disrupted the rift before joining the fray with fire and lightning. They sought higher ground until they could defeat the demon. As soon as it fell, they sprinted towards the rift, leaving their staff where it laid. The darkness encroached on the edges of their vision. If this was to be the end, at least the people would be safe.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feels like filler, reads like filler. Needed to set things up in a manner that makes sense.

Nyx sat up slowly and glanced around the room. This was their second time in a very brief period of waking up somewhere unrecognizable. They hoped this wouldn't be a running theme in their life. The door opened, and an elf entered. She dropped whatever she'd been carrying.

"Oh! I didn't know you were awake, I swear."

They tugged the blanket to their chest for the sake of modesty. "I-It's quite alright, but-"

The woman fell to her knees and brought her forehead to the floor. "I beg your forgiveness and your blessing. I am but a humble servant." She got to her feet, but her eyes were twitchy and nervous. "You're back in Haven, my Liege. They say you saved us. The Breach stopped growing, just like the mark on your hand. It's all anyone has talked about for the last three days."

Nyx looked down to their hand and sure enough, the mark was no further along than it had been when they last checked. "Then the danger is over."

"The Breach is still in the sky, but that's what they say. I'm sure Lady Cassandra will want to know you've awakened. She said 'at once'."

"And where is she?"

"In the Chantry with the Lord Chancellor. 'At once', she said!" The woman left swiftly and shut the door behind her.

Nyx hoped that type of bewildered behavior wouldn't happen often. They found new clothes set beside the bed and dressed before heading out into the village. The gossip washed over them in waves at their emergence. It was strange to have people treating them like an adult, though they were reasonably tall for an elf. They made their way into the Chantry's hall on light feet.

An unfortunately familiar voice resounded through the empty building, even from behind a door. Nyx approached the door cautiously. They knew it wasn't polite to eavesdrop, but nearly everyone outside could probably hear the Chancellor anyways.

"Have you gone completely mad? She should be taken to Val Royeaux immediately, to be tried by whomever becomes Divine."

"I do not believe they are guilty."

"The elf failed, Seeker. The Breach is still in the sky. For all you know, she-" There was a long pause. "They might have intended it this way."

"I do not believe that."

"That is not for you to decide. Your duty is to serve the Chantry."

"My duty is to serve the principles upon which the Chantry was founded, Chancellor. As is yours."

Nyx decided then was an appropriate time to enter. If they didn't, these two would only talk themselves in circles. Roderick looked up at them with a hostile glare. He then addressed the two soldiers guarding the door.

"Chain them. I want them prepared for travel to the capital for trial." Nyx tensed in fear, their eyes pleading to Cassandra.

Cassandra nearly spat her order to the guards. "Disregard that, and leave us." The guards saluted and left.

"You walk a dangerous line, Seeker."

"The Breach is stable, but it is still a threat. I will not ignore it."

"I did everything I could to close the Breach. It almost killed me." They shuffled their feet uncomfortably.

"Yet you still live. A convenient result insofar as you're concerned."

"Have a care, Chancellor. The Breach is not the only threat we face."

Leliana stepped forwards out of the dark corner. Nyx startled a little. "Someone was behind the explosion at the Conclave. Someone Most Holy did not expect. Perhaps they died with the others--or have allies who yet live." Her pointed expression pierced through the Chancellor.

"I am a suspect?"

"You, and many others."

"But not the prisoner."

Cassandra's intervention kept them calm. "I heard voices in the temple. The Divine called to them for help."

"So their survival, that thing on their hand. All a coincidence?"

"Providence. The Maker sent them to us in our darkest hour."

Nyx's mouth opened and closed in shock, like a gasping fish. "You really think the Maker would send someone like me?"

"The Maker does as He wills. It is not for me to say."

"Even if that means a Dalish elf is His chosen?"

"Humans are not the only people with an interest in the fate of the world, as you yourself have shown."

Leliana spoke up once again. "The Breach remains, and your mark is our only hope of closing it."

"This is not for you to decide," Roderick protested.

Cassandra slammed a gargantuan book down on the table. Nyx peered at it in wonder. "You know what this is, Chancellor? A writ from the Divine, granting us authority to act. As of this moment, I declare the Inquisition reborn." The room seemed to shake with the resonance of her voice. She began to advance on Roderick, backing him to the wall. "We will close the Breach, we will find those responsible, and we will restore order with or without your approval." She poked him hard in the chest, and he rapidly fled the room.

Leliana drew her hand across the book in reverence. "This is the Divine's directive: Rebuild the Inquisition of old. Find those who will stand against the chaos. We aren't ready. We have no leader, no numbers, and now, no Chantry support."

"But we have no choice: We must act now. With you at our side."

This Breach would affect everyone. Humans. Dwarves. Qunari. Elves. The Keeper had sent them to the Conclave for this. They wouldn't be able to return to their clan without accomplishing their directive.

"I want to help, but need I remind you that I am a child? I'm not even fully trained. I-I'm in no way prepared for this."

Leliana nodded. "Neither are we. We will have people on staff to assist and train you. You won't be going through this alone. I promise."

"If you're truly trying to restore order..."

"That is the plan."

"Help us fix this before it's too let." Nyx stepped forth to shake Cassandra's hand.

"We have a lot of work to do."

~~~~~~~

Nyx quietly followed Cassandra into the Chantry for their first meeting with their advisors. They rubbed at the mark on their hand apprehensively.

"Does it trouble you?"

They kept their eyes forwards but paused when they realized Cassandra had stopped behind them. "If it wasn't enough to close the Breach, what use is it?"

"You did everything we asked of you."

"And it still didn't work." Nyx looked down at the mark with anger lining their features.

"What's important is that your mark is now stable, as is the Breach. You've given us time, and Solas believes a second attempt might succeed--provided the mark has more power. The same level of power used to open the Breach in the first place. That is not easy to come by."

Their fists clenched slightly. "Couldn't that kind of power just make things worse?"

"And people call me a pessimist." Cassandra almost seemed amused. They weren't laughing.

"You learn to be more risk-conscious than most growing up as a mage. If that much power is concentrated in someone who can't control it...I've already seen the consequences. I know what's at stake."

She pat their shoulder. "Come. Your advisors await." They went forth into the war room. "May I present Commander Cullen, leader of the Inquisition's forces."

He straightened his spine. "Such as they are. We lost many soldiers in the valley, and I fear many more before this is through." Nyx couldn't meet his eyes. That had been their call. They were already costing lives. How many more would die because of them?

Cassandra carried on unperturbed. "This is lady Josephine Montilyet, our ambassador and chief diplomat."

"Andaran Atish'an."

The smile on Nyx's face could have rivalled the sun. "You speak elven?"

"You've just heard the entirety of it, I'm afraid." They both shifted a little awkwardly.

"And of course you know Sister Leliana."

"My position here involves a degree of..."

"She is our spymaster."

Leliana frowned slightly. "Yes. Tactfully put, Cassandra."

Nyx chuckled behind their hand but quickly regained composure. "Pleased to meet you all. Nyx Lavellan."

"I mentioned that your mark needs more power to close the Breach for good."

"Which means we must approach the rebel mages for help." Leliana seemed so sure of herself. Why wasn't she the one running the Inquisition?

"And I still disagree. The Templars could serve just as well." Ah. Cullen. Strong personalities and all that.

Cassandra shook her head dismissively. "We need power, Commander. Enough magic poured into that mark-"

"Could destroy us all. Templars could suppress the Breach, weaken it so-"

Leliana talked over him. "Pure speculation."

"I was a Templar. I know what they're capable of." Nyx noticeably stiffened. The Keeper had told them to be cautious around Templars.

Josephine cut in, drawing their somewhat scared gaze away from Cullen. "Unfortunately, neither group will even speak to us yet. The Chantry has denounced the Inquisition--and you, specifically."

Nyx gave a huff of nervous laughter. "That didn't take long."

Cullen seemed to get the joke at least. "Shouldn't they be busy arguing over who's going to become Divine?"

"Some are calling you--a Dalish elf--the 'Herald of Andraste'. That frightens the Chantry. The remaining Clerics have declared it blasphemy, and we heretics for harboring you," Josephine explained.

Cassandra sighed. "Chancellor Roderick's doing, no doubt."

"It limits our options. Approaching the mages or templars for help is currently out of the question."

Nyx began to pace the length of the table in thought. "Just how am I the 'Herald of Andraste'? I have more than a few factors excluding me from the ideal."

Cassandra caught their attention. "People saw what you did at the temple, how you stopped the Breach from growing. They also heard about the woman seen in the rift when we first found you. They believe that was Andraste."

Leliana spoke next. "Even if we tried to stop that view from spreading-"

"Which we have not."

"The point is, everyone is talking about you."

"It's quite the title, isn't it? How do you feel about it?" Cullen asked. His tone was a bit softer than before.

"I'm not so arrogant as to believe I'm the prophet of someone else's goddess. Or...divine wife, as it were. I'm not entirely sure how I should feel."

"The Chantry has decided that for you, it seems." Nyx almost smiled at that.

"People are desperate for a sign of hope. For some, you're that sign." As much as Leliana's words were hopeful, they didn't want to be that sign.

"And to others, a symbol of everything that's gone wrong." They didn't exactly want to be Josephine's symbol either. They didn't want to be anything.

Nyx paused at a corner of the table. "They aren't more concerned about the Breach? The real threat?"

Cullen answered. "They do know that it is a threat. They just don't think we can stop it." This was getting more depressing by the minute.

"The Chantry is telling everyone that you'll make it worse."

"Oh for the love of-" They cut themself off by gesturing emphatically to the Breach outside the window. "Does it look worse? Not precisely. I get it. Okay? The blanket distrust is completely understandable, but there comes a point where they aren't even trying to sound believeable." They took a deep breath in and out through their nose. "Sorry. I'm sorry. Please, continue."

"There is something you can do. A Chantry Cleric by the name of Mother Giselle has asked to speak with you. She is not far, and knows those involved far better than I. Her assistance could be invaluable." Nyx nodded to Leliana in thanks.

"Of course, I'll see what she has to say."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recruiting The Iron Bull, and then a healthy dose of elf racism (not from the Iron Bull.)

Nyx heard a booming voice across the battlefield as the last Tevinter mage fell. They rested with their hands on their knees then returned their staff to their back.

"Chargers, stand down. Krem! How'd we do?"

"Five or six wounded, Chief. No dead." Well that was a relief.

"That's what I like to hear. Let the throatcutters finish up, then break out the casks." Oh. Right. Mercenaries. Nyx took Krem's place as he went to attend to the casks.

"So, you're with the Inquisition, huh? Glad you could make it. Come on. Have a seat. Drinks are-...you're a bit young for that, though."

"Ah yes. People always comment on precisely four things."

"And those would be?"

"Age, ears, staff, gender. Sixteen. Elf. Mage. Neither. Such is life." They looked him up and down for a moment. "Iron Bull, I presume."

"Yeah, the horns usually give it away." Nyx followed where he led. He gestured to the messenger who'd come to Haven. "I assume you remember Cremisius Aclassi, my lieutenant."

Krem nodded to them. "Good to see you again. Throatcutters are done, Chief."

"Already? Have them check again. I don't want any of those Tevinter bastards getting away. No offense, Krem."

"None taken. Least a bastard knows who his mother was. Puts him one up on you Qunari, right?"

"So...you've seen us fight. We're expensive, but we're worth it." He chuckled a little. "And I'm sure the Inquisition can afford us."

"How much is this going to cost me, exactly?"

"Smart kid. It wouldn't cost you anything personally. Your ambassador, uh, what's her name...Josephine? We'd go through her and get the payments set up. The gold will take care of itself. Don't worry about that. All that matters is we're worth it."

"The Chargers seem like an excellent company."

"They are. But you're not just getting the boys. You're getting me. You need a front line bodyguard. I'm your man. Whatever it is--demons, dragons? The bigger the better."

Nyx stopped him before he could continue. "Bodyguard? Do I look like I can't defend myself?"

"I saw what you could do out there. There's no question you're powerful, but you're also the face of the Inquisition. If you go down, it might follow, and the world with it. Better?"

"Much."

"There's one other thing. Might be useful, might piss you off. Ever hear of the Ben-Hassrath?"

"I've never heard of it."

"It's a Qunari order. They handle information, loyalty, security, all of it. Spies, basically. Or, well..we're spies, basically. The Ben-Hassrath are concerned about the Breach. Magic out of control like that could cause trouble everywhere. I've been ordered to join the Inquisition, get close to the people in charge, and send reports on what's happening. But I also get reports from Ben-Hassrath agents all over Orlais. You sign me on. I'll share them with your people."

Nyx fidgeted with their fingers for a moment as they thought of how best to proceed. "Why tell me you're a spy in the first place?"

"Whatever happened at that Conclave thing, it's bad. Someone needs to get that Breach closed. So whatever I am, I'm on your side."

"You still could have hidden it."

"From something called the Inquisition? I'd've been tipped sooner or later. Better you hear it right up front from me."

"Huh. Fair point. What will you be sending home in these reports?"

"Enough to keep my superiors happy. Nothing that will compromise your operations. The Qunari want to know if they need to launch an invasion to stop the whole damn world from falling apart. You let me send word of what you're doing, it'll set some minds at ease. That's good for everyone."

"All right. You're in."

"Excellent." He lifted his head to call over their shoulder. "Krem. Tell the men to finish drinking on the road. The Chargers just got hired!"

"What about the casks, chief? We just opened them up. With axes!" Nyx tilted their head at that. Why axes?

"Find some way to seal them. You're Tevinter, right? Try blood magic." Bull walked past them then turned over his shoulder. "We'll meet you back at Haven."

~~~~~~~

Nyx skipped a stone across the water with a pensive expression. They knew the words shouldn't have bothered them. What other people thought of them was of no consequence until it was brought to violence. For some reason, the soldier's disdainful tone dug into their skin and made a home there. They barely noticed the tall shadow falling over them.

"You okay, boss?"

They stiffened a little but were otherwise undisturbed as they sent another rock flying. "Fine." It dropped into the river like dead weight.

"I saw the little exchange back there. You looked anything but fine walking away from that."

"I'm used to being treated like a kid. That's what I am. But to be addressed as nothing more than a common whore by my own men? I can almost see why some clans shoot humans on sight." Their eyebrows knit together in concentration.

"I almost expected you to hit him. Would've deserved it, but why didn't you?"

Nyx's mouth quirked up at the corner. "He'd already made a fool of himself when he realized who I was. Why add injury to insult?" Bull let out a ground-shaking laugh. "Plus I can't punch for shit."

"Well, whatever you've been taught about discretion being the better part of valor, learning to punch is the better part of...not being mistaken for a servant, I guess."

"Why would I ever need to? I'm a mage."

"Humor me. Take a battle stance."

They huffed and shifted into attack stance with their hands in fists in front of them.

"Don't squat quite so low and straighten your back a little. There! You've got it. Now punch me." They looked up at him questioningly. "Oh trust me. It won't hurt."

Nyx shrugged and aimed a punch at his stomach with all the force they could manage.

"Good follow-through, but don't hold your thumb inside your fist like that. Easiest way to break it. Keep it across your fingers. Try again." They adjusted and punched again. "That one almost tickled." Again. "You can do better than that." One more. "Get angry."

The next one sent him staggering back a few paces. He ruffled their hair with an amused chuckle.

"Okay, Bull. What was that for?" Their words were serious, but the small smile gracing their lips gave them away.

"If you keep all that anger in, your face'll get stuck like that. Better to get it out."

Even if their knuckles were aching a bit, they couldn't deny that they felt better. Nyx grinned up at him and punched him one more time in good nature.

"Now this isn't to say you can go around punching people whenever you feel like it. Only punch people you really trust for fun or who really deserve it."

"Understood, bad influence." They saluted and noticed another figure coming up behind him. Cassandra. Shit. Bull took this opportunity to leave. Nyx took a seat on one of the smooth rocks by the river. She carefully sat down beside them.

"I heard about what happened. The soldier has been removed from the Inquisition."

"We can't just kick out everyone who has a low opinion of my kind." Their fingers toyed with a blade of grass.

"No, but we can demonstrate a zero-tolerance policy for voicing such things. That should be deterrent enough. Besides, I think you scared his friends." She sounded almost pleased. "Are you okay?"

Nyx looked over their shoulder and up at Iron Bull, standing just out of ear shot. "Better."

"The Inquisition has to stand behind you no matter what. The shape of your ears shouldn't and doesn't matter in that regard." Cassandra brought their attention back to her. They considered the unspoken question for a moment.

"I'm not concerned for myself in this matter. Anybody who makes such comments or advances towards a servant, regardless of race, is to either be harshly disciplined or kicked out as well."

Cassandra seemed transfixed at their boldness. "Of course, Nyx. You are protected by your status. The elven and human girls who wait on you and others are not. I understand."

Nyx smiled wistfully. They skipped one more rock before standing and heading back to Haven.

"You don't, really, but I appreciate the thought."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nyx goes home. Some heavily implied sexual activity between Nyx and a friend of the same age.

Nyx didn't come down for breakfast. At first, Cassandra chalked it up to the sleepy teen and their fickle stomach, but when they didn't arrive on time for training, she began to worry. They were almost obsessively punctual to the point of arriving half an hour early on some days. She knocked lightly at the door and heard a startled gasp from within.

"Come in." Their voice was quieter than usual.

Cassandra entered to see Nyx curled in on themself. Their cheeks were red and puffy from crying, though they had tried to wipe the tears away.

"Is something wrong? Did somebody say something about your ears again?" She felt a certain protective rage rising at the thought.

"No! No. Nobody said anything, though it's funny that you mention my ears." She motioned for them to explain. They took a deep breath and sat up from the bed. "I don't know what it is, but I have a feeling that I don't belong here."

"What? Of course you belong here."

"It's not even the work I'm doing with the Inquisition. It's productive and wonderful, and there's nothing more I'd rather be doing." They stood up and began to pace. They casually bit at the quick of their thumb. "I just...feel like there's something wrong with me being here. I can't describe it."

The idea hit her with blunt force. "Are you, perhaps, homesick? I know you are very attached to your clan."

Realization dawned on Nyx's face. "Y-yes. I am. I know that what we're doing here is important, and my Keeper gave me leave to stay. But I've...never had the chance to miss them before."

"I see." Cassandra offered a small smile. "I do not think it would be too dangerous for you to visit them, though we will ask permission from the Keeper."

"Could I?" They looked up at her with blossoming hope.

"I will arrange it with Josephine and Leliana. Now go to your training." Cassandra turned and left so they could dress quickly.

Nyx slipped into their light armor then grabbed their staff. They ran out to the training field, stopping to catch their breath with their hands on their knees. "Sorry, Solas."

He analyzed them with a calculating eye. "You have not eaten."

"I overslept. By a lot." Their eyes darted to the side. Their cheeks flushed as their stomach rumbled loudly.

Solas rolled his eyes and guided them back to the tavern by their elbow. "And just what did you dream of?" He gestured to the cook for a bowl of oatmeal and set it down at one of the tables for them.

Nyx kept their head down and dug into the meal. "You'd think it was silly."

"Try me." He took a seat beside them.

"Home. With my clan."

He tilted his head. "That doesn't seem silly at all."

"But you said-"

He held up a hand to stop them. "They are important to you. I wouldn't think that would be silly."

They smiled but didn't look at him. "Cassandra said that she can take me to see them. I...I really like it here, but I've never been away from home for so long. The Keeper sent me and my old mentor to the Conclave on the guidance of a vision. Before that, I only left the clan to accompany hunters."

"Please eat."

Nyx nodded vehemently and ate until the bowl was empty. They stood to turn it in and walked back to the field with Solas. "I miss the surety of my old life. I was the Keeper's apprentice. I thought I knew what the future would hold for me."

"You would prefer to go back to your clan?"

They looked sidelong at him. "Have you ever had a home?"

He looked off into the distance. They didn't think they would receive an answer until he spoke again. "No. I haven't."

"You always have something to which to return. Being apart from them is akin to losing a limb. Or worse. It's love and life and death and hope and...sorry. Rambling again. To work, then?"

"You could always be a poet when you grow up." Solas shot them a bemused smile.

Nyx grabbed their staff and took attack position with an exaggerated sigh. "You think so?"

"You have a way with words. Why limit yourself?"

They shrugged then shifted to a more defensive posture. "Kids used to make fun of me because I could talk for hours. Adults told me to stop asking so many questions. Then my abilities manifested. I was a late bloomer. Suddenly, my quick learning was useful. They'd tolerate my chatter for the bits of genius that would slip through. Eventually, I learned to only mention the genius. Made more friends that way."

"Their loss, I suppose. Now practice the aim on the fireball. Ten and then rest."

Nyx obeyed then leaned on their staff. The target was thoroughly scorched, but it could be repaired later. "I've never had anyone interested in what I had to say. So...thanks."

"You're very welcome. Now go again."

They nodded and continued the session with few words exchanged. Maybe they really did belong there.

~~~~~~~

Nyx caught sight of the feathers of an arrow sticking out of a tree. Silver and blue. The colors of their clan. They were getting close. They'd barely recognized that fact when a large weight barrelled into them, knocking them to the ground. They flipped their assailant onto the ground with them on top.

"Nyx?"

"Weslan! Is that you?" They stood up quickly and pulled the smaller elf to his feet. "You've grown so much! Oh I've missed you." They drew him in for a tight hug and felt his arms embrace them.

He held the hug for a moment longer before moving back and beholding the party. Cassandra, Varric, and Bull. "Why do you bring this shem and others with you?"

"It is a long journey here and a long journey back. They insisted that they come along for my protection."

Weslan clapped them on the shoulder and raised his brow. "When did you become so important?" Nyx lightly punched him in the arm with a broad grin. Bull was a bit pleased at that.

"Nyx. I caught most of that, but would you be so kind as to translate the weird elfy stuff?" Varric asked.

They held a hand to their forehead in realization. "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize I'd slipped into elven where possible. This is an old family friend. Or, well, the child of one. I'd know this flaming hair anywhere." They ruffled his hair in a show of familarity. He smoothed it back down with a chuckle.

"And now I'm taller than you. Oh how the times have changed us."

"You'd think I've been away for four years rather than four months. Could you lead us back to the rest of the clan? I can't wait to see everyone." Nyx bounced on the balls of their feet.

He turned to address the others. "Follow. I can lead the way back."

"What all has happened since I've been away?"

Weslan's face darkened a little as they walked along. "We've had to move much more often and much further north than usual. We saw the moment that thing in the sky opened. It was terrifying."

"We call it the Breach. Has the clan heard about the explosion at the Conclave?"

"Yes. Your spymaster was very forthcoming. Keeper Shi'larra is trying to unite with a few of the other clans so that we may have safety in numbers. Thankfully, the other clans have been quite gracious and cooperative so far."

"Good. Might I ask who's become the Keeper's first since I've been gone? She can't have kept the position open for me."

Weslan hesitated before he answered. "She considered it at first, but then she appointed me until such a time comes that you may return."

"For the time being, however, the honor falls to you. I am so proud of you, Weslan." Their ears pointed to the sky in happiness. They checked him with their shoulder.

He blushed and glanced away from them. "I know that she would prefer you..."

"But I may not come back. The possibility exists. I would have none but you replace me."

"Is your mission really that dangerous?" Weslan slipped his hand into theirs. It was still habit after all the time they'd spent apart.

"I suspect so. It is the way of things, I suppose."

The two of them were quiet. Both of their ears lowered gradually at the implication. Weslan didn't want to contemplate the thought of one of his only friends dying while he was powerless to stop it.

"You turn seventeen in about two months, right?"

Nyx's expression brightened. "The twelfth of Umbralis. Nothing will be made of it."

"Come on, boss. You don't even want a party?" Iron Bull called from behind.

"The cow man is right."

"You know very well he's called a qunari. You aren't fooling anyone."

"Even so, he's right."

Nyx chuckled to themself. "We can have a party when there's something to celebrate."

Cassandra shook her head. "I believe an exception can be made."

"Well, then. If you insist." They grinned over their shoulder before carrying on.

"Oh we insist," Varric assured.

The group arrived in a clearing with tents set up in two rows. A fire pit. Meat roasting on the fire as the sun sank into the distance. Children laughing and dancing and playing. The Keeper standing a silent sentinel over them all.

Nyx felt tears stinging their eyes but refusing to fall. "It's all just as I remember it." The Keeper saw them near the edge of camp and immediately ran to meet them. She brought them into her arms without preamble.

"I see you've picked up a straggler, Weslan." She allowed her hug to loosen but kept her hands on Nyx's shoulders. "Aneth ara. It is good to see you once again, da'len."

"The same to you." She looked questioningly at the odd party over their shoulder. "Oh! These are some of my companions. Cassandra Pentaghast, Varric Tethras, and the Iron Bull." They put a hand over their mouth to fake-whisper to her. "He likes the article in the front." Bull couldn't help but smile.

Cassandra nodded to her in reverance. "A pleasure to meet you, Keeper Shi'larra."

"To you as well, Cassandra. I believe we have corresponded before." The Keeper turned back to Nyx. "Come. The hunters brought more meat today for your accomodation."

"You are truly kind."

"Grab your food and come to my tent alone. We have matters to discuss."

Nyx stood at the end of the line and gestured for the others to file behind them. "We are visitors, so we must allow the clan to eat first. The hunters...may have underestimated how much food they'd need for my associates. Most likely, they assumed I'd bring other elves."

"Nyx." Varric's voice got their attention. Nyx nodded that they were listening, but they fidgeted with their fingers. "Are you...nervous about seeing your clan again?"

"Do I sound nervous? I don't think I sound nervous. Wes-"

"Yes, you do." He laid a protective hand on their shoulder, and their fidgeting paused. "Don't worry about it. It's almost as if you never left. Though we do mourn for Va'shelan."

Nyx looked down at their hands. Their face became unreadable. "I'm sorry that I couldn't bring his body."

"Nobody here would hold that against you. Especially not after what you've been through. There are stories of the mark on your hand, that a Dalish elf is the Herald of Andraste."

"I'm not certain. I can seal the rifts, but I don't know if I can claim to be the representative of a divine being I don't believe in."

Weslan grabbed his plate of food. "I see. You are having a crisis of faith."

Nyx became acutely aware of the people behind them. They made a small flick of their ears to the side to indicate in the affirmative. They took their own plate and headed for the Keeper's tent without another word. They sat across from her with a serene smile.

"We must discuss your title before we proceed."

Nyx nodded sagely and met her eyes. "I do not know if I am truly the Herald of Andraste. She has never spoken to me. If I am, I fear it may become...more apparent."

"I see. You still follow our ways, then."

"I could never abandon my home, Keeper. No matter how far I wander or what evils I face, I am a Lavellan." Their expression remained calm, almost passive.

She sounded almost sad as she ran a hand along their arm. "I knew that you would be involved in the fate of the world, da'len. I never could have predicted that it would be like this, or this soon. You are still but a child."

Their brow wrinkled in thought. Their gaze drifted down from the Keeper's. "The trials of this world do not spare the young. Nor the wise. Nor the kind-hearted."

"You bear these truths as though you were meant to." Keeper Shi'larra leaned down to look them in the eye insistently. "I know what you must do, but my heart aches for your burden."

They both ate in silence for a few moments. Nyx already looked much older than she remembered them. How much would these strange times age them both before this was done?

They set down their utensil. "Should I survive, I promise to return."

The Keeper shook her head, her mouth a hard line. "Even when the Breach is sealed and whatever threat has passed, your strength will be required to heal the hurt. The world will need you more than this clan, I am ashamed to say."

Nyx took a deep breath. "I understand. I will honor my name through my actions to the best of my ability."

"I would expect no less. Please, I would like for you to take with you a small trinket. So that your home will remain with you." She brought a dark blue pendant on a silver chain out of one of her pockets. They could feel the enchantment humming in the intricate designs. As the necklace passed into their palm, their eyes opened wide in recognition.

"My father's...how did you...?"

"I'd planned to gift it to you for your birthday, but I believe that now is appropriate."

Nyx fastened it around their neck. They grinned at the Keeper out of duty. It was a painful reminder, but they knew that her intent was not maliscious.

"Thank you so much for this. I hope that I will die with my clan's crest with me."

The Keeper bowed her head in acknowledgement. "You and your companions are free to stay with the clan for the night, but I ask that you please move out in the morning."

"Of course. I would not want to impose our presence." Nyx's face settled back into easy neutrality.

"Go. Eat with your friends, old and new."

Nyx stood and exited with their plate still half-full. They walked back to the campfire and saw Weslan sitting with their small group of friends.

"Nyx Lavellan! I can hardly believe my eyes!" One of the girls hopped up and ran to embrace them. When she pulled back from the hug, she kissed them passionately. Cassandra averted her eyes with an embarassed snort, but Varric and Bull were thoroughly amazed at this. Nyx shoved her off gently.

"Oh come now. I didn't die, did I?" The girl pouted up at them. They pat her head and hugged her again. "I missed you too, Elora."

She led them over to sit down in the ring around the fire. Nyx glanced over at their new friends. Varric's cat-like grin scared them a little.

"Now, Nyx, when did you become such a heartbreaker?"

They smacked their forehead. "Please don't write about that."

"Sure, Starling. Sure."

Nyx rolled their eyes and turned to their small clique. "By the Creator, Paeris, how are you still alive?"

"Luck, mostly." The group shared a nostalgic laugh.

"Meaning that Weslan probably pulled your ass out of the fire. Again."

Elora displaced their plate to the grass and laid across their lap. "Actually, I'm the one who's been saving him lately."

"I'm so proud. How's mage training coming?"

The groan from her throat made Nyx giggle. Bull was surprised at the sound of them having a good time. The stress had vanished the moment they set foot in the camp.

"Ishran is just as terrible as he always was, but I suppose you've been getting more magical experience out in the world."

Paeris grinned at them conspiratorially. "Yeah! What's it like fighting demons and all that?"

Nyx sighed. They leaned back onto their hands. "Not nearly as fun as you're making it sound. Don't get me wrong, I love a good fight, but...watching it all fall to pieces. That takes a toll on you."

Elora ran a hand through the shaved side of Nyx's hair. She noticed a few new scars lining their face. She traced them with her finger with a sad eyes. "You are still the kind person I remember." Her voice was soft and comforting. Nyx genuinely smiled.

"You have a Qunari on your team, though. That has to be exciting," Weslan suggested.

"He's a lot like Paeris." Bull's jaw dropped.

"Intimidating? Mystifying?" Paeris asked with a flex of his biceps.

Nyx looked from Bull to Paeris. "An ass."

Weslan and Varric both burst out laughing. Nyx ate a bit more of their food then set the plate aside. They looked up as a few of the other teenagers began to dance around the fire. Weslan took Nyx by the hands and lifted them up. Elora moved out of the way just in time.

"Come on. I know you know this one."

Nyx laughed and joined the smaller circle. Elora and Paeris stood soon after. Cassandra watched in wonder. They were so carefree, moving with the wind and flame as though they could do nothing else. Every time they spun around, they were smiling wider than she thought possible.

"You know, Seeker-"

She snarled at Varric. "Let them enjoy their respite amidst the chaos."

"That's what I was thinking. They need something like this more often. I know you see how much they take the fate of Thedas as their personal responsibility. That isn't healthy for anyone, let alone a teenager."

A thin voice sounded from behind them. "They've always been like that." The trio turned to the Keeper, a bit startled at her silent approach. "They aren't the type to stand by and let bad things happen. Some of the children used to call them the clan snitch."

Cassandra nodded. "Do you think there is anything we could do for them?"

"Hmm. Give them more story books. They use them to escape. Beyond that, I ask that you take care of them." Her words were tinged with melancholy.

"Of course."

"Keeper, might I ask where Nyx's parents are?" Varric said haltingly.

Her eyes moved to the ground. "That story is not for me to tell. Just know that they are gone, and Nyx does not like to speak of them."

"We've gathered that. They were so excited to see you and their friends but not many others."

Keeper Shi'larra smiled briefly. "They are an odd child. Perhaps I am fond of them because they are such. They have an intense sense of right and wrong, a rare trait in times as muddled as these. And they seek to share all that they have learned. Few appreciated such a spark, but a spark must be kindled to grow. Grow Nyx has."

The group watched Nyx from afar. Happy and unburdened. Elora began to pull them off towards one of the tents. They tilted their head back and laughed as they followed her.

"Protect them. Please. As much as you can. They have seen too much for someone so young, but they have been made stronger for it. Do not let them see too much more. I fear that their light may be snuffed out before they have the chance to truly shine."

The three companions looked to one another and nodded. Mutual agreement. For the time being, though, they would leave Nyx to their business.

~~~~~~~

Nyx met with their crew at the edge of camp in the morning. They'd said their goodbyes and received a few more gifts. Bull noticed a few suspicious bruises along their collar. They'd done all they could to cover them with scarves and armor, but damn if the light pinks and reds weren't obvious. Cassandra and Varric led while Bull and Nyx walked behind.

"Have fun last night?"

Nyx glared up at him. "Shut. Up. Please."

"No judgement. Just be safe."

They felt their cheeks heating up but kept a decidedly grim expression. "Please don't. I do not want to talk about this."

Cassandra turned around to walk backwards for a few paces. "Leave them be, Bull. I'm sure Elora was very nice."

"Are you three going to talk about this the whole way back?"

"No," Varric said. Nyx let out half a sigh of relief. "Yes."

"I will buy one round of drinks when we get back to Haven if you drop this right now."

"Bribery? Such shame, Herald. Whatever will the clerics think?" Cassandra teased.

Nyx grumbled irritatedly and kicked a rock along the way. The chatter subsided into comfortable silence. A few hours later when they neared the camp, Nyx paused to take in the sight from the top of a hill. They'd missed the clan, but there was truly no place like home.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nyx has a very important secret. And then some time travel angst.

Nyx started to spend a lot of time in their room. Nobody really thought much of it until Varric heard a tiny, desperate sound coming from the Herald's room. It was quickly followed by Nyx shooshing. He knocked at the door.

"Just a minute!" There was a shuffling sound before the door opened. Nyx tried their best to seem nonchalant. "Tethras?"

"You got a cat, didn't you?"

"Not so loud!" They motioned him inside and closed the door behind him. The kitten in question wriggled out from under a blanket and looked around curiously. "His name is Zevran."

"Am I correct in assuming that the Seeker doesn't know?" Nyx nodded, wringing their hands. "How did you even get it in here?"

"Sera." They said it like it was the simplest thing. It did make sense, after all.

"If you were going to get a pet, why not a mabari? All the great heroes have mabari."

Nyx shook their head. "I'm not a dog person. Puppies are great when they belong to other people, but no."

Varric looked between them and Zevran. He heaved a great sigh. "A friend of mine said something like that once." Nyx scratched behind the cat's ears. "Alright. We'll pretend I didn't see him in your room. I was never here."

They grinned. "Your friend is Hawke's lover, right? The one that blew up Kirkwall's Chantry?"

"So you have read my books."

"How do you think I learned fluent commonspeak?"

Varric stared at them in amazement. "That is possibly the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

Nyx motioned for him to stay where he was. They brought a wooden box out from under their bed. It looked of elven make. They put it in the middle of the room, where Zevran sniffed at it. When they lifted the lid, there sat an old, scuffed-up version of Varric's story of the Champion. He dusted off the cover.

"I didn't know when I'd be coming back to my clan, so I brought it with me. It's my most prized possession."

Varric carefully took the book out of the box and flipped it open. There were writings in the margins. Unsteady at first, but by the last page, the handwriting was fluid. Underlined words with definitions written in later. Sarcastic commentary. It felt just like them.

"You're a real charmer, Lavellan."

Nyx leaned back onto their hands and let the kitten climb onto them. "I really do have to thank you for writing this. I learned so much about the world outside my clan through those words."

"You trying to make me cry?" He closed the book and set it back inside with reverence.

"Tears of joy, I should hope."

Varric pat their shoulder and headed for the door. "Try to keep the cat quiet."

Nyx saluted as he left the way he'd come. The door was nearly closed when they saw Cullen's confused face peering in. Oh shit. He had the decency to knock. Nyx steeled themself and didn't bother to hide Zevran. He stood in the doorway, gesturing mutely for a moment.

"How and why?"

"Found him starving around the smithy. Sera helped me sneak him in and get him fed. Therapy cat."

He rubbed at the back of his neck. "You know I'll have to tell Cassandra, but if it really is for your comfort...I think she'd be liable to let it slide."

"Huh." Nyx tilted their head. "I hadn't thought of that."

"Come on." They stood and set Zevran on their bed. "Bring the cat."

Nyx groaned and took him into their arms. They walked a few paces behind him out to Cassandra's normal spot on the practice fields. A few of the people of Haven gawked at the kitten. Cassandra looked up at their approach. She didn't seem as perturbed as they thought.

"Leliana told me about the cat. Zevran, I think his name was? Yes, you can keep him."

Nyx paused to consider the ramifications. "Ah. Nothing gets past the agents."

Cassandra smiled to herself. "From what I heard, the agents were taking care of him before you took him in. They were very upset about their missing cat."

"Oh." Zevran wriggled out of their arms and walked over to sniff at Cassandra's boot.

"We will take care of him while you are away." She leaned down to pet the cat. He batted at her fingers. "He will be a mighty warrior."

Nyx giggled behind their hand. "Thank you."

~~~~~~~

Nyx sat by the fire with Varric at dinnertime. They barely touched their food. He started to notice their eyes drifting to him.

"You okay, kid?"

They looked down at their bowl. "That future I saw...it felt too real. You and Bull were there. You..you both died for me."

Varric didn't say anything for a moment. "Blue, anybody here would have done the same."

"I don't want to think about that. I'm supposed to be the hero, the person who saves everyone."

Varric leaned over to catch their eye. "Look, kid, you had to get back to this timeline so you could save everyone. I must have known that, and I think the same can be said for Bull."

"I know, but I let you die. I let Leliana die." Nyx set their food aside. They obviously weren't going to eat anymore of it.

"You really care about us. That's a really important thing. Don't ever lose that. Too many former heroes have." Nyx closed their eyes. "Hey." They felt a hand on their shoulder. "You're not going through this alone."

Nyx sighed, and the tension fled. They pat his shoulder in return. "Thanks, Varric."

"What are friends for?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nyx is determined to survive against all odds.

Not today. Not today. Not today.

They pushed forwards past the throbbing pain. There was no light in the distance. Only snow and misery before them. Only the dead behind. It had to have been five miles before they saw trees. Whatever footprints had been left were already buried by snow. Nyx could hear howling in the distance. They hoped to whatever gods still existed that that was the wind.

Was scared and helpless and in pain to be a more permanent state, then? Lovely.

Nyx couldn't help but sing. A song from their first few years. Their father had held them close to his chest and sang low, mellow notes after a nightmare. It was a story of love and eternal rest. They hadn't cared about the words much back then, but it seemed a bit morbid as they walked along. They didn't think to pray. It wasn't as if their gods were listening.

They forced themself through each step until they came to a hastily snuffed out fire pit. The kindling was cold, but it was a start. Nyx saw another close by. The snow was halfway up their calves. They had to make it. They had friends waiting for them. They wanted to live. They had to be too young to die yet.

Nyx saw lit campfires ahead and felt their knees quaking as they neared. The hushed, worried voices reached them. They took a knee at the edge of snow, holding their hurting side protectively.

"There they are!" Cullen called out.

"Thank the Maker." Cassandra rushed forwards.

They laughed into a cough as the darkness of the mountains subsided. "I hope everyone saw that because I will not be pulling something like that again."

Solas led them in towards the fire. His brows were drawn together in worry as the camp erupted into noise around them. They struggled their way into a tent and onto one of the medical cots. Solas moved one of their hands away so he could get to the bleeding beneath their armor. They tried to push him off but failed.

"H-Hurts."

He held one of their hands gently while he healed with the other. "Shh, I know, da'len."

Cassandra and Josephine shoved their ways through the crowd. They spoke to each other fervently before entering. The former bit her lip in regret. Nyx winced as magic danced over their skin.

"Gods that stings. And....the stinging is gone. Okay no it's back. Owowowowow! Better. I'm..it's better." They tilted their head to the side to look at Cassandra and Josephine. "Did...Did everyone make it?"

"Yes, Herald. Every civilian made it. Thanks to you." Cassandra reached over to take Nyx's shaking hand from Solas. They squeezed it with a content sigh.

"I would see them all safe over myself."

Solas and Josephine shared an anxious glance. Nyx took a deep breath as they waited for Solas to finish healing them. They slowly took off their gloves and set them to the side. Cassandra helped them sit up so Solas could wrap their wound. They reached for their discarded flask but winced at the strain. Josephine passed it to them. They accepted it and took a long drink. Their pained smile that flickered out like a light.

"How many soldiers did we lose?"

Cassandra looked down at her hands. "About a hundred."

Nyx nodded and knocked the rest of the water back. "They will be remembered. Can one of you help me stand? I need to address the survivors."

Solas pat their shoulder to placate them. "You are still weak. You need to rest, da'len."

They shook their head and removed his hand. "The people need to see that I live. That the Inquisition lives. Help me up."

Josephine brought her arm around Nyx's back and held their hand to bring them to their feet. Cassandra stayed close, but Solas remained behind at the tent. How could he have let this happen? No. Their well-being wasn't his responsibility. But they were only a child. A child who was already changing the world. As he watched them stand before the people of Haven, the pangs of guilt hit square in the chest. Their condition was his fault. Nothing would change that.

Nyx straightened up to stand alone. "I can't imagine what so many of you have been through tonight. You've lost your children, spouses, relatives, lovers, friends. They fought and gave their lives with courage. Each and every one of them will be missed." They paused to swallow thickly. "Maker watch over them."

The crowd murmured the sentiment in clear agreement. Solas was perplexed. Nyx still wasn't Andrastian by his knowledge. Why invoke that name? Was it to aid morale?

"I am sad to say that this struggle will not end here. More are to be lost, but I would give my life before I allow any of you to suffer. Especially if it would be for my sake. I'd like to imagine that the ones who have gone would do the same for me. I cannot begin to repay their kindness and courage.  
There is much to be done, but for the night, we rest. As much as can be rested in these turbulent times. We rest in the fact that we are very much alive. We celebrate that there is still so much life left to live, so let us rejoice that we are yet here to live it!"

A great cheer went up as they raised their fist to the sky. Varric stood beside Cassandra away from the raised platform.

"Huh. Kid's got a way with words. Eh, Seeker?"

She glared over at him. "It will take more than words to win this." Cassandra's attention turned back to Nyx. They made their way off of the small stage on their own. A crowd formed around them. Older ones blessed them while children hugged them around the knees and waist. They took each on-comer with that same easy, untroubled smile. Cassandra felt her own tension easing. "But they do have a gift."

"I couldn't have said any of that better myself." Varric crossed his arms over his chest as he watched them make their way through the crowd. Shaking hands. Kissing babies. The whole benevolent hero schtick. "They may save us yet."

Nyx eventually sat near the fire claimed by their advisors. They looked up at the stars flitting overhead. After a while, Cullen came over with a bowl of food. They made short work of it. He watched with an amused smile, but his eyes clouded with guilt.

"Silver for your thoughts?"

He turned his gaze to the stars to avoid their searching eyes. "I know it was necessary to save the villagers, but...I almost sent you to your death."

"So long as they all made it out safely, I wouldn't have minded." They set their bowl down.

"Herald-"

"Don't blame yourself. There was nothing you could have done short of summoning your own dragon." Nyx paused and glanced over at him. "You couldn't have actually done that, right?"

Cullen laughed and met their eyes. "Not that I can recall. I'm just glad you're safe."

"Glad we talked. Now, if you don't mind, I'm unequivocably exhausted." Nyx stretched their arms over their head and laid back. He shook his head and stood to give them their space.

"Rest well, Nyx."

They felt an overwhelming sense of peace, but sleep would not come. Their advisors convened nearby and began to talk about the state of things. Could they not have put this off until the morning? Apparently not. The conversation went in circles for three hours.

"What would you have me tell them? This isn't what we asked them to do!" Why did Cullen have to yell right now?

"We cannot simply ignore this! We must find a way." Nyx's brow crinkled at Cassandra's volume.

"And who put you in charge? We need a consensus or we have nothing." Nyx determined that they weren't going to sleep that night. They sat up with pain shooting up their spine.

"Please! We must use reason. Without the infrastructure of the Inquisition, we're hobbled." Josephine's point was sound.

"It can't come from nowhere." Why did Cullen have to be such an unbelievable prick?

"She didn't say it could." Thank you, Leliana.

"Enough! This is getting us nowhere."

"Well, we're agreed on that much." The group finally came to blessed silence, but Mother Giselle chose that moment to speak.

"Shhh, you must rest."

"They've been at it for hours." Nyx moved to stand, but the prickling in their legs gave them pause.

"They have the luxury of time thanks to you. The enemy could not follow, and with time to doubt, we turn to blame. Infighting may threaten as much as this Corypheus."

Nyx tried to push themself up, but they tired after a moment. "If they're arguing about what to do next, I need to be there."

Mother Giselle pat their hand. It provided no comfort. "Another heated voice won't help. Even yours, perhaps especially yours. Our leaders struggle because of what we have witnessed. We saw our defender stand...and fall. And now we have seen them return. The more the enemy is beyond us, the more miraculous your actions appear, and the more our trials seem ordained."

Nyx shook their head. Giselle's eyes softened. "That is hard to accept, no? What we have been called to endure, what we, perhaps, must come to believe."

Nyx turned their gaze to the mountains beyond. "I escaped the avalanche. Barely, perhaps, but I didn't die."

"Of course, and the dead cannot return from across the Veil. But the people know what they saw, or, perhaps, what they needed to see. The Maker works both in the moment and in how it is remembered. Can we truly know the heavens are not with us?"

"I just don't see how what I believe matters. Lies or not, Corypheus is a real, physical threat." Nyx stood and walked to the flame. "We can't match that with hope alone."

Their advisors were tired and drained. Each thinking. Cullen paced idly. The place seemed devoid of such hope. Mother Giselle began to sing. The words were strange, but the tune was familiar. The Chantry choir had sung it before the commencement of the Conclave. Leliana joined in, and a few of the villagers soon followed. Even Cullen began to sing. A few of the people came to stand in front of them, and those who were able to knelt. Nyx still didn't know the words, but their mouth opened to hum the melody aloud. As the song came to an end, the villagers were joyous.

"An army needs more than an enemy; it needs a cause.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A diversion back into the previous chapter for some adventures involving Zev the cat.

Zev was too high up to get out of Nyx's room. Was this going to be the end? Was he truly going to die alone, in a blazing fire? He yowled for help, scratching desperately at the door that hadn't been engulfed in flames. He heard a noise at the window, and a booted foot kicked its way through. The figure grabbed for him. He accepted, hoping beyond hope that it was their owner.

The person took him towards the Chantry, and over their should, he saw Nyx fighting against a giant crystal monster. Zev struggled to go to them, but they held him fast until they were inside the walls of the Chantry. The person kept running until he caught up to the rest of the people of Haven. Zev pushed away enough to see who was carrying him.

It was an elf. He was blond, but the roots of his hair had begun to grey. He seemed reminiscent of a man that Nyx had a portrait of in their room. Could it be? His namesake?

"All of this for a kitten." An Antivan accent! It was him!

The crowd was above the treeline, and the man named Cullen set off a flare. Zev searched the town for Nyx and caught sight of them facing off against a dragon and another monster. They saw the flare and brought a sword down to launch the last trebuchet. They began to run as it triggered an avalanche. Zev couldn't watch. The snow buried the valley, and the people all moved on. He mewed pitifully and licked at Zevran's chin.

"I know. But maybe they made it through. You can always hold out hope." His words sounded a lot like Nyx. Zev hoped that Zevran got the chance to meet them someday.

The crowd wandered far to the east through the snow and mountains. They set up in the shadow of a peak where the snow didn't fall as heavily. Zevran set him down on a dry patch of ground to help set up the camp. Once on of Leliana's agents set up a fire, he made his way towards it and folded his legs and tail underneath himself. He waited for Nyx and tried not to fall asleep.

A few hours later, there was a commotion at the front of the camp. Zev saw Nyx's vallaslin and almost bolted for them. Solas, or the egg-head as he often called him, took them into one of the tents for healing. Zev stood guard outside and stepped to the side to let Cassandra and Josephine inside. He heard Nyx's weak voice, but knew better than to go in.

Nyx soon emerged and made their way to a small platform with Josephine's help. He followed after next to Cassandra and observed from afar as they spoke to the people of Haven. Varric came to stand beside Cassandra. Zev meowed up at him and nuzzled against his leg.

"How'd you make it out, Zev?" Varric pat his head. He knew the dwarf couldn't understand him, so he simply purred. That would have to be enough.

The crowd cheered, startling Zev. Nyx moved through the people as though they were water. They found one of the cots by the fire. Zev walked over and laid beside the cot. Cullen came and sat down with them for a while but left soon after. Zev chose that time as Nyx laid down to hop up next to them. They weakly acknowledged him with an affectionate scratch behind the ears.

"Cassandra said you'd be a good little warrior." Nyx smiled at him. Zev laid down beside their bandaged abdomen and purred loudly for them. He soon fell asleep, but he awoke once more to singing. Nyx had gone to talk with the egg-head. Zev noticed a bit of food left in their bowl. He jumped down from the bed and bowed his head to lap it up. It was lukewarm.

A shadow fell over him. "You must be hungry." It was Leliana. He mewed in greeting. She bent down and picked him up. Zev liked Leliana. She'd told him of his namesake, the lover of the Hero of Ferelden. Leliana took him to a nearby fire where Zevran sat. She set him down next to a smaller bowl of ram jerky. It was tough to chew through, but he didn't mind.

"So this is the cat named after me? He's just as handsome, wouldn't you say?"

Leliana chuckled behind her hand. "You're as charming as always, Zevran, but why are you here in the first place?"

"Let's see. There's a hole in the sky and a teenager leading a semi-religious movement. You-know-who wanted me to come help you while they try to find the rest of the Grey Wardens. They've much they want to do before the calling claims them."

"They always were a wise one. How are they in other respects?" Zev hopped up onto her lap, and she pet him idly.

Zevran's smile seemed bitter. It didn't quite reach his eyes. "I'm sorry you were unable to come to the wedding. With us both moving around so much, it was something of a rush thing. We were able to find their clan to marry us before it collapsed, however. Beautiful ceremony."

"What? I hadn't heard about their clan!" Leliana held her hand over her heart.

"I thought you would have, what with your spy network. Anyways, a blood mage wanted to make an elluvian work, and the resulting spirit possessed the clan's keeper. The mage and her mage friend, Hawke, had to kill the abomination, and when the clan discovered what had happened, they were angry. Hawke and crew had to kill the rest of the clan's adults and trainees. Very nasty business. The children were sent to other clans, but dear Setanna was devastated."

"I heard that you met Hawke in your travels. Did she not help you get away from the crows once again?"

"Yes. Adriana Hawke is a...complicated woman. She had a very deep sense of justice, but she was loyal to her friends to a fault."

Leliana picked at her food. "You mean Anders?"

Zevran nodded. He finished off his own food. "Enough politics! Though Setanna cannot have children herself, we were able to adopt an older child by the name of Busran. Dalish boy, sweet young man. He's the age of the Herald right now."

"How wonderful! I always thought that Setanna would be good with children."

"They are." His voice was dreamy as he thought of them. Leliana chuckled at him. His cheeks flushed a bit.

"You're still so in love with them. It is good to see."

"They are my world, Leliana. I'll follow them into the Deep Roads when they go, but there is still much to do before that time comes. I hope they will join me here soon enough."

Leliana slipped back into her hardened persona. "We don't know where here is yet, my friend."

Zevran squeezed her shoulder. "Well, wherever we go, it will be home."

She smiled fondly at him. "Thank you. It is good to have you back, at least." Leliana saw the rest of the advisors convening elsewhere. She put Zev on Zevran's lap and headed off. "Excuse me."

Zevran sighed and leaned back onto his hands. "You know, mini-me, sometimes I wish things could be simple again." Zev laid himself down with his chin on his paws. "I get the feeling you feel the same."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian's personal mission brings up some unpleasant business. Homophobia and mentions of blood magic ahead.

Nyx's steps were quiet but not silent as they approached Dorian's little corner of the world. He heard them come up to him. He kept gazing out the window.

"He says we're alike. Too much pride. Once I would've been overjoyed to hear him say that. Now I'm not certain. I don't know if I can forgive him."

"They tried to change you?" Their voice was tight.

"Out of desperation. I wouldn't put on a show, marry the girl. Keep everything unsavory private and locked away. Selfish, I suppose, not wanting to spend my entire life screaming on the inside. He was going to do a blood ritual. Alter my mind. Make me...acceptable. I found out. I left."

Their fists clenched at their sides. They took a deep breath and let it go. "Dorian, are you alright?"

"No, not really. Thank you for bringing me out there. It wasn't what I expected, but...it's something. Maker knows what you must think of me now, after that whole display."

"I think you're very brave."

"Brave?" He sounded incredulous.

"It's not easy to abandon tradition and walk your own path."

He looked back at them with worry pinching his brow. "Why does that sound like the voice of experience talking?"

"My parents wanted to change me as well."

Neither of them spoke for a long time. Dorian took them in with a new light, but Nyx wouldn't meet his eyes. "They were seemingly accepting of my gender, but when they found that I am...attracted to women, men, and everyone outside and in between, my mother was not so forgiving. My father failed a similar blood ritual two years before all this began. She still saw me as a woman who should be content with only men. I had to kill him...no, not him. I had to kill the thing he turned into. My mother fled to escape the wrath of the clan. I'll never forget."

"Nyx-"

They looked up at him. "No one will dare bother you about who you are while I am still breathing. And even after I stop if I have anything to say about it. You have my word."

He cracked a smile. "You are truly a flaming ball of rage."

"We have to stick together, right?" They smiled back weakly.

"Thank you. For everything. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to drink myself into a stupor. It's been that kind of day. Wait, don't tell Cassandra I told you that. And don't drink away your problems."

Nyx waved their hand dismissively with a light giggle. "I know, I know. I don't want to drink yet, anyhow."

"You're a good kid, Inquisitor." Dorian ruffled their hair as he passed. They chuckled and carried on through the library.

~~~~~~~

Cullen noticed a new pilgrim to Skyhold. The elven woman appeared a bit lost, like she knew what she was looking for but didn't know where to find it. Her vallaslin marked her as Dalish, but such tattoo had quickly become a familiar sight. He decided to intercept her.

"Can I help you, madame?"

"Yes. I'm...I'm searching for my...child."

He tilted his head. "Might I ask who you're looking for?"

"The Inquisitor, sir. I'm Nyx Lavellan's mother, and I need to speak with them." She had that same hard look about her.

Cullen knew about the incident that had occured in Nyx's childhood from the Keeper's reports about them. He forced himself to keep composure with a strained smile, but he could feel his soul burning at the sight of her. How could anyone ever do such a thing? Especially to a child, but even on principle, it was an unforgivable act.

"Of course. Please wait in the grand hall while I go and fetch them."

He called a meeting with the other advisors, Cassandra, and the Inquisitor. Nyx entered last of all, still dressed in slightly scorched armor. They were a bit high on adrenaline, and he regretted taking that happiness from them.

"What has happened?" Cassandra asked. Something in Cullen's expression must have been more brooding than usual. More angry.

"I found your mother wandering around Skyhold, Inquisitor."

Nyx's eyes widened in fear. They gripped the back of a chair at the war table. The advisors were all too aware of what had happened, but Cassandra had not read the report out of respect for the Inquisitor's privacy. Leliana's eyes shone with sympathy. They couldn't speak. The air had seemingly left their lungs. They pulled the chair out and sat down. They brought their hands to their face to clear their eyes of reactionary tears.

"Where is she?" The harsh tone of their voice in no way reflected their expression.

"The grand hall." Cullen almost moved to comfort them but pulled his hand back to his side. The others were warring between empathy and rage. Cassandra was visibly confused.

"Send her away. Please. I can't...I-I'm not brave enough." Their voice wavered and cracked, but their determined eyes stayed forwards.

Cassandra nodded in unquestioning agreement. She went to go see to it herself. The woman was pacing in much the same way as Nyx sometimes did. It was striking how different they were from each other. Nyx must have taken after their father in that regard. Dark hair. Fair skin. Long nose with a bulbous tip. She looked up as Cassandra approached with hope in her eyes. Their eyes were the same. Bright green like the grass in spring.

"The Inquisitor has asked that you leave Skyhold immediately. If you do not, you will be escorted from the premises by the guards."

"What? No! Please, I have to see them. I need to know that they're safe. They don't have to talk to me, but please let me see them." The child and her mother looked the same when they cried. She was twice as manipulative, but Cassandra couldn't have known that. She simply saw a mother crying for her child. She softened.

"I will bring them, but please, compose yourself."

Nyx walked out from behind the throne with a scornful look on their face. They first pointed it at Cassandra.

"I really thought you would understand. Pity." Then, their gaze turned to their bawling mother and hardened. "You've seen me. Now leave."

"Da'len-"

"Do not call me that." Their voice echoed off the walls. A few diplomats turned at the sound.

"Inquisitor-" They shocked Cassandra into silence with a cold glare. Their fists were tightly clenched. The silence was so thick a pin-drop could be heard.

"Leave Skyhold, Mira Lavellan. Consider this my mercy."

"You would threaten your own mother?" Mira was viscerally shocked.

Nyx released a dry, humorless laugh. "You would have coerced my father into...No. You don't get to stand on the moral high ground when you would have had everything I am ground into dust. And for what?" Their voice grew louder, no longer caring who heard. "For a perfect, obedient daughter."

The sentence shattered into a choked sob. Their hard mask momentarily cracked to reveal the vulnerable, trembling kid beneath. No longer a warrior or the leader of a movement. A scared little kid. Those gathered in the room tore their eyes away, but Cassandra couldn't keep her eyes from them. It hurt to see them this way. So hollow. Nyx straightened up and let the tears fall freely. When they spoke again, their voice was calm.

"Thank the Creators that I don't strike you down where you stand. Go."

Their mother bowed her head and turned around, going to the exit without another word. Nyx didn't take their eyes off of her until the door closed behind her. When they did, they looked at Cassandra. She expected them to speak. Scold. Yell at her. Say anything. They appeared hurt and disappointed.

Nyx returned to address those still in the war room. Her advisors were gathered at the door. Cullen appeared to feel guilty about allowing their mother inside. They pat his shoulder.

"It was not your fault." They smiled up at him sadly. "Meeting adjourned."

Nyx stalked off to one of the side entrances of the main hall. None of them followed. Each was keenly aware of how much they needed to be alone. Cassandra came back to he advisors. Each glared at her in contempt.

Cullen spoke first, eyes narrowed. "What the hell were you thinking?" She watched as he flicked back and forth from grief to anger. "They trusted you, Cassandra. They thought you could take care of this for them."

"I'm sorry-"

"You don't need to apologize to us, Cassandra. It is the Inquisitor's trust you have betrayed." The look in Leliana's eyes haunted her.

"What happened? Precisely."

Josephine searched for the report from the Keeper on the incident. Cassandra read it through and realized what she'd done. She held a hand over her mouth.

"You can't be blamed for not knowing, but you should have taken Nyx at their word." Leliana's tone held no hope of arguing, not that she wanted to.

Cassandra nodded. "I think it would be best to leave them be for now." Cullen stared her down, and a chill ran through her. "I'll see to it once they've had some time. I promise.”

“You had better.” That was more vindictive than Cassandra had seen Josephine speak to anyone. She knew this would have to be resolved. Soon.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst. Just...angst. Mentions of parental abuse ahead. Proceed with caution.

Blackwall didn’t question it when Nyx took a seat by the fire in the barn. They’d come by sometimes just to sit in the silence. This was different. Their cheeks were still wet from crying. They looked more broken than anything else. Not sad or angry.

“You alright?"

They stared straight ahead. "M'fine. Needed somewhere to think."

He paused to look them over. "Well, don’t think too hard."

They cracked a smile then went back to watching the blaze blankly. Nyx didn’t want to remember their mother as she was before the ordeal. She’d been far too protective. She’d only let them start combat training because the Keeper insisted. She’d been a city elf who ran away from her Alienage.

Their father grew up in clan Lavellan. After long years of pining, the two of them admitted their love. It was all strung up as the epitome of romance. She was going to finally have a perfect Dalish life with a perfect Dalish daughter. She thought that it wasn’t to be, and their father offered to perform the ritual to make his wife happy.

Nyx’s life went up in flames. The Keeper took them in as thanks for defending the clan against the resulting demon. They always thought it was out of pity.

Blackwall watched as they began to sob anew. He pulled out a handkerchief and offered it to them. Nyx accepted it with a shy smile.

"I could hear you from here, y'know.” Nyx flushed. “I won’t ask what happened. You probably don’t want to talk about it.” They nodded. “Whatever your parents did to try to…change you, you didn’t deserve it."

He expected them to keep staring into the fire as though they were trying to freeze it. Blackwall returned to shaving down a part of the rocking horse he was working on. When they spoke, it was barely above a whisper. Their voice cracked traitorously.

"Thank you."

~~~~~~~

Nyx ran into the library and whirled around to find a place to hide. They looked to Dorian helplessly and mouthed a quick ‘hide me’ before diving behind a bookcase. He looked back to the book he was reading as a harried Cassandra ran up the staircase.

"Where are they?"

He offered a hiss of sympathy. "You just missed them. They dove straight out the window. Good levitation spell, though."

Cassandra grumbled a curse and began to pace. "I need to make amends with them, but they’ve been avoiding me for three days now. They aren’t even sleeping in their room anymore."

"I heard about what happened with their mother. I can’t say I blame them for being cross with you,” he spat.

“Watch your-…No. You’re right. I made a terrible mistake. If you see them again, could you please…there’s nothing I can say to make it right.” She leaned onto one of the desks and pushed her hair back from her face. She was the picture of exhaustion.

His tone turned a bit more sympathetic. “Give it time, Cassandra. They can’t stay mad at you forever, and I’m sure they know that you regret what you said."

Nyx bit the inside of their cheek to stay quiet. Cassandra turned and left soon after with a curt nod. She looked over her shoulder when she reached the top of the stairs. "Thank you, Dorian."

They waited until Cassandra’s footsteps stopped echoing against the stone. They let out the breath they’d been holding and came up from under the table. Dorian set down his book to peer at them. They met his gaze in challenge.

"What?"

"Nyx, this is bordering on ridiculous."

"I don’t care. I need more time before I can trust her again.” Their stride as they paced was less methodical. More a stomping of feet than a calculated movement. “Plus she wants to talk through it. For once, I just want to put it behind us."

Dorian’s tone was lighter than the situation called for. "I get that you haven’t exactly had the best luck with mother figures-"

"Oh don’t even go there!” They turned to leave in a huff.

“And don’t you isolate yourself!"

Nyx clenched their fists, took a deep breath, then let the tension go. "I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled like that. I…I’ve been too afraid to sleep with the state I’m in. You know what it’s like, right?"

Dorian couldn’t look at them. He remembered. "You should take better care of yourself. Do you..need to talk about your mother at all?"

Nyx stared off into the horizon behind him. "I thought I’d put all my anger about her behind me. Then she had to come into my life again and dredge it all up. I just want her gone."

Dorian watched their face shift from sollemnity to tears. He wanted so badly to comfort them but had no clue how. When he’d heard what his father was planning, he ran. Nyx never had that chance. They had to have gone through at least part of it. He stood and came to them with opened arms. They accepted the hug mutely. Nyx sobbed until the tears soaked into his shirt. They hadn’t cried like that since it had first happened.

"What was your father like?"

They conceded a smile. Their voice came out hoarse and scratchy. "He was…kind. Smart. Brave. He took me hunting sometimes before my magic manifested. He taught me to dance. He loved my mother more than life itself. He only wanted to make her happy. No matter what it took. If it didn’t mean taking me, I’d almost admire him for that."

Dorian ran his hand up and down their back. He shooshed quietly as they hugged him close. He wasn’t very good at comforting, but holding them he could do. They stayed like that until Nyx finally pulled back, wiping the tears from their eyes and cheeks.

Nyx didn’t say anything at first. They were starting to feel embarassed about all of this blubbering. Dorian nodded in silent agreement that they wouldn’t talk about it. Nyx smiled tiredly and went to leave when they saw a long shadow winding up the staircase. They froze and looked from it to him. He shrugged in indifference. Their expression hardened into a glare.

"She’s…You knew, didn’t you? You planned this."

"You could always use a levitation spell."

Nyx deadpanned at his teasing. They faced the stairs once more and took a deep breath. "When it rains, it poors.” They opened walked down the stairs until they met Cassandra. Neither spoke as they took the other in.

“I’m sorry.” Simple. No nonsense.

They sighed in resignation. “You are forgiven.”

Cassandra opened her arms to hug them, but they stepped past her pointedly. “You know, you could make it up to me with food. I’m very easily bribed.” Nyx smiled over their shoulder.

“Where have you been sleeping, by the way?"

"Trees are much more comfortable than people give them credit for.” They carried on back to their room for some much needed rest.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diverting back into the previous chapter for some more adventures of Zev the cat. We'll just say that Leliana has crows and leave it at that.

Zev heard Nyx's outburst in the Main Hall. He didn't know what was wrong, but he was determined to find out. He skirted around the edge of the hall. Some of the ambassadors from Orlais were still there after the display. He waited for them to speak, sitting near the wall with his tail curled over his paws.

"I've never heard of the Inquisitor yelling before. What a sight!" She fanned herself dramatically.

The decorated man she spoke with nodded. "I know! They're usually so level-headed, but I can't imagine anyone staying calm in the presence of such a monster.” The elf seemed normal enough when he saw her walking in, but Zev looked to the woman curiously.

"If any of what they said about their mother was true, she deserved every dirty look she received on the way back to the tavern. Can you even think of torturing your own child?" Her eyes shone with tears.

"Never!"

Zev heard enough. He knew he had to do something. Nyx would never be able to get revenge on their own. More importantly, they wouldn't want revenge. That didn't mean he could absolutely ruin Mira Lavellan's day. He'd just need a little bit of help to make it happen.

Zev snuck out back to where Leliana stored her crows when they weren't in use. He stalked up to the expansive cage with a glint in his eye. The leader, a crow with a slight chip in her beak named Ravia, hopped down to his level and came right up to the bars.

"I heard from the squirrels that there was a commotion in the Main Hall. Something about your human?"

He bent his head with a deep sigh. "Nyx's mom came by wanting to see them."

"Ahh. I read the report over Leliana's shoulder. Say no more." She waved a wing to the side in emphasis. "I can have the boys take care of it. For a price."

His determined eyes met hers. "Give me some time to steal some meet from the kitchen?”

"I know you're good for your word, so I'll go ahead and give the order. Should there be a next time, I expect payment in advance." Ravia turned and flew up to her crew.

Zev bounded off towards the kitchens. Solas held the door for him just as it was about to close. He mewed and rubbed against his legs. Solas smiled to himself and pat Zev on the head gently. Zev walked towards the door to the kitchen and laid in wait. As soon as Josephine exited, he bolted inside. Some chicken was just within his reach, but the cook was still chattering away with the ambassador. He hooked a moderate piece with his claw and took it into his mouth. He waited for the cook to return to the oven then flung himself out the window. The hay outside broke his fall.

One of the horses whinnied. "Helping out the crows?"

"They're helping me out for once, Matthieu.” Zev held the chicken on his claws to speak.

"Let me know if there's anything I can do."

Zev considered for a moment. "You saw Mira Lavellan, right?"

"Your human's mom? I can have her escorts buck her off into the mud."

"Nothing to seriously hurt her. We don't want her staying. Just enough for her to be weirded out."

“You know my terms.”

“Three apples by sundown tomorrow. I shall deliver!” Zev replaced the morsel into his teeth and bounded off to the crow cages once again.

One of the lackeys had stayed behind to accept it. He hid it underneath some of their toys. Zev decided to watch the action from a tree outside the tavern. He clambered up and took a seat on the branch near Mira’s window. Ravia picked the lock on the window with her talons. Hugo nudged the window up enough for the Illani siblings to slip inside. Mira’s belongings were covered in bird crap, though the main items in the room were mostly left untouched. No reason to make it more difficult for the servants. As quickly as the crows slipped in, they were gone. Hugo lowered the window and Ravia replaced the lock.

The group flew up to branches near Zev as Mira entered the tavern. She climbed the stairs to her room and entered with a tired sigh. She screamed when she saw the state of her things. Zev recoiled slightly, but he couldn’t help chuffing in delight when she came to the window. The crows stared her down until she left to complain to the manager.

“We’d best get back to Leliana,” Ravia suggested.

Zev followed them back just in case. Soon after they returned to their cage, Leliana came to feed them. He hid behind a bush. She took Ravia onto her arm and pet her under the chin.

“I know what you did today, but I’m glad you did it. Well done.”

Ravia cooed for her happily. Leliana fed all of the crows an extra portion on chicken and went on her merry way. Zev walked out from the bush with a proud strut to his walk.

“We may have to work together more often, pretty kitty.”

Zev's fur puffed up. "Hey! Only Nyx gets to call me that!"

Ravia rolled her eyes and downed some of the chicken. Zev flicked his tail in a casual goodbye and sniffed the air for his human. They weren't likely to stay in their own room after such an event. He eventually caught their scent, following all the way to Solas' room. He caught the tail end of their conversation standing at the door.

"You may stay here for the night if you wish. Cassandra does not tend to bother me much anymore."

Zev mewed to make his presence known. He jumped up onto Nyx's lap and purred as they absently stroked his fur. Their smile was tired, and their eyes were still red and puffy. Their branch-like vallaslin were twisted into their grief. Solas laid himself down on a small couch opposite them. He'd set up a tray of food and some water. The water was gone, but the food was untouched.

"Let me know should you need anything else, da'len."

Nyx nodded to themself and laid down. Zev settled next to their stomach, sharing his comforting warmth. Solas put out the light with a snap of his fingers. It plunged the room into waning twilight through a small window. They didn't really sleep, but Zev stayed by them until the void pulled him in.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and angst and a bit of underaged drinking ahead. Not a lot of alcohol. Just a sip. And then some age appropriate shenanigans and angst. Yknow like you do.

Leliana led Nyx up to their quarters. They’d customized it themself, but the extravagance of it all still left them breathless. Back at Haven, they spent most of their time travelling. The spymaster told them that there was a private matter to discuss immediately. 

“Inquisitor, your advisors and I have decided upon a few measures to ensure your safety while you reside in Skyhold. Given the events that took place with your mother, we thought it best to establish some basic things for your safety and well-being.” Nyx gestured for her to continue. “We’d like for you to be in your room by a certain time. As Josephine puts it, wandering around after dark invites…speculation." 

Nyx shook their head in amusement. "I can see where that would be a problem." 

"Furthermore, at Cassandra’s suggestion, you are to be assigned a lady-in-waiting.” Leliana chuckled at their visible confusion. “She will not be a simple servant, Nyx. She is a proper bard who will remain at your side while you are in Skyhold. Should anything akin to the attack at Haven occur again, she is to protect and assist you until your companions show up to further aid you." 

Nyx considered this for a moment. "And a bard following me around would be suspicious, so she will be dressed as a civilian. If she is a fully trained bard, wouldn’t this woman also be much older than I? Would that not also garner suspicion?" 

Leliana grinned. "You assume too much, Inquisitor. I believe you will find your companion to your liking." 

A tall human with curly auburn hair entered the quarters. There was a certain swagger in her step, but she couldn’t have been more than seventeen. "Was that to be my cue, Sister Nightingale?” There was a subtle Orlesian lilt to her accent, but it wasn’t the obnoxious tone of the nobles. 

“Ah. A person close to my age, then?” Nyx could hardly believe their eyes.   
She bowed at the waist. “Annalise Wistershire, at your service. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Inquisitor." 

Nyx blinked a few times before bringing their hand to hers. She was warm while they were cold. "Well met, madame. Am I correct in assuming you’ll be staying close-by?" 

Annalise flashed a dazzling smile. "I’ll be right down the hall in case you should require my services." 

Leliana watched the two examine each other once their handshake parted. They amused her. "Well, that was all I needed to address. I’ll leave the two of you to become better acquainted." 

Nyx looked up at Annalise to meet her eyes. That was pretty common for them with humans, but they’d expected someone their age to be closer in height.   
"How exactly does a bard apply to become an important bodyguard?" 

She chuckled a bit. "I was working under a few of the noble houses near Val Royeaux for a time. There was some business in which another bard was sent to hunt me. I found myself in a position to…to kill them, but they were already unarmed. I let them go. Leliana approached my employer at the time and asked if I could be transferred to her service. I believe she said that she required someone with a moral compass as strict as yours to watch over you. She oversaw the conclusion of my training." 

Nyx considered her. "And how does someone so young become a bard?" 

"How does someone so young become an Inquisitor?” She raised a delicate eyebrow. 

They were taken aback. “Circumstance." 

"Precisely." 

Nyx wasn’t sure how to respond. It had been months since they’d actually spoken to someone their own age beyond the passing language with servants. Though many of the servants were elves, none of them wanted to talk to them more than necessary. It was odd at best and frustrating at worst. 

"Mind if I ask the question I’m sure you’ve heard thousands of times?”

They laughed. “Let me guess: am I really the Herald of Andraste?" 

"What?” Annalise tilted her head. “No. I wanted to ask if I could pet your cat." 

Nyx stood there a bit dumbfounded. They’d never actually been asked that. "He’s, um, he’s out doing…whatever it is cats do during the day. Probably sleeping somewhere sunny. But you can definitely pet him when he returns. Besides, I want to see if he likes you." 

Annalise nodded sagely at this compromise. She took a sweeping look around the room before awkwardly fidgeting with her hands. 

"I…I like what you’ve done with the room." 

Nyx let the silence hang for a moment to see how the girl would fare. She eventually recognized the test and forced herself to be still. They let an easy smile slip onto their face. 

"Good. You know the value of not speaking to fill the space." 

Adrianna nodded. "A skill most valued among the nobility, though you are not.” Nyx raised their eyebrows at her. The absolute gaul. “What? I make no claims to nobility either, your Worship." 

"I apologize. You speak as though you would fit in among them." 

"So do you." 

"I don’t.” Their ears wiggled pointedly. 

“And I’ve learned to say only what they like to hear." 

"And you think I haven’t?" 

Annalise paused to consider their words carefully. "They don’t respect you because you’re an elf. You could say all the right things, and most of them still wouldn’t accept it without a human present. Do I have a good grasp of the situation?" 

Nyx chuckled dryly. "Precisely." 

"I heard that was some of the situation, but I never realized that it affected you so…regularly." 

They shrugged. “I just keep saying the right things in different ways until they give in. There’s really no trick to it. Though I suppose it varies mildly between Orlais and Ferelden." 

"How so?" 

"Both see me as a servant, but Orlesians are a bit easier to finesse about it if I’m perfectly eloquent in Common. Fereldans prefer to speak only to my advisors unless absolutely necessary, though they’re all trying to convince our current contacts that I’m worth associating with on a personal level. Not many successes on that front." 

Annalise gaped at them for a moment. "That’s terrible. How could anybody treat you like that after you sealed the sky?” Nyx opened their mouth to respond, but there was something in her righteous anger that gave them pause. She was going to carry on. “You saved their ungrateful asses from death by demon flood, and this is how they repay you? Disrespecting you for who you are? That’s ridiculous considering that you control the resources which continue to save their ungrateful asses!" 

Annalise was as red as her hair from undiluted rage. Nyx had never seen anyone this angry on their behalf before, especially not a human. It felt strange but not quite wrong. She shook herself from her thousand mile stare and tucked a bit of stray hair behind her ear. She coughed nervously. 

"I apologize, your Worship. That behavior was unworthy of me." 

Nyx smirked. "Think nothing of it. I like seeing the different sides of you so early.” Annalise flushed at the flattery, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “Still, you mentioned that you’ve heard how I’ve been treated. What else have you heard of me?" 

"It’s common knowledge that you aren’t male or female, but I suppose that isn’t uncommon to great elven heroes. Then there’s your alliance with the mages. I fully support it, but there’s been debate about why you did it among the common people." 

Nyx shifted their weight to one hip. "Mages deserve freedom from restriction and the negative social connotation so widely present in Ferelden. It’s not a popular opinion, and so I make it scarce in polite conversation." 

"I see. Best it remain a mystery, I suppose.” Annalise studied them. They glanced away to the window. 

“I would stay to chat longer, but I believe I have a meeting in the war room close at hand.” Nyx moved to leave, but Annalise followed close behind. They paused then remembered their new circumstance. They smiled and shook their head as they carried on towards the main hall to make the short trek to their meeting. Annalise only left their side when they entered. 

Josephine smiled as Nyx looked over the reports. “I trust your new shadow is satisfactory?" 

They nodded and went on reading. "She’s not what I expected from a bard.”   
Leliana replied from the corner of the room with a mysterious grin. “Rarely are people who we expect them to be." 

~~~~~~~ 

Nyx took a seat at the bar with a quick glance around. The bartender raised an eyebrow. They shook their head. They turned their head to the other side, and Annalise sitting right beside them shocked them close to death. They gave a weak squeak. She seemed almost amused by this. 

"Shouldn’t you be in bed?" 

Nyx sighed in relief. "I thought you were Cassandra for a moment.” The bartender passed them a drink. 

Annalise gave him a contemptuous glare. He scowled right back. 

“I’m keeping an eye on ‘em. It’s not like I’d give tiny unrestricted access." 

She mumbled something obscene and turned back to Nyx. They took a quick sip, but it was clear they didn’t like it. They pushed it back across the counter with a decisive shake of their head. 

Annalise considered it for a moment. "Nothing wrong with trying something to see if you like it. Still, let’s get you back to your room before someone who cares finds out." 

Nyx nodded and stood up. Annalise caught sight of Cassandra peeking in from outside. She took Nyx’s hand and led them out the back of the tavern. They clambered up the stones to the hind staircases that led to the main room. Annalise shoved Nyx inside their quarters just as Josephine rounded the corner. 

"I already knocked. They’re…indisposed at the moment." 

"What? Are they sick? Let me see them." 

Annalise stayed in front of the door. "Not sick from what I can tell, madame. They just returned from the Emerald Graves, did they not? They are likely tired. And…the place is of great importance to them, considering-" 

"Oh! Yes, of course. I had not considered…they likely were troubled to see where the elves were driven from. Of course. We shall attend to the matter tomorrow.” Josephine went on her merry way. 

As soon as the door at the bottom of the staircase closed, Nyx opened the door to let Annalise in and quickly closed it behind her. They laughed together at the situation. Nyx had never been restricted like this before, but they were happy to have this person with them for the ride. 

“Nice work with that line about the Emerald Graves." 

"Are you seriously okay after all that?” They hesitated. Annalise held her strong hands to their shoulders. “Is…Is that why you wanted to drink?" 

Nyx couldn’t meet her eyes. "Lisi, it’s nothing. History." 

"Yes, but it matters to you.” Her hands squeezed lightly, trying to comfort.   
They shook her off and looked out towards the horizon. It was all too fresh. The smell on the wind. The sad song whistling through the leaves. Their people. Slaughtered. And none but Solas seemed to even think about it. None of them seemed to care. 

“Nyx." 

"Distract me. Tell me something I don’t know about you." 

Annalise wanted to reached out for them but thought better of it. With a deep breath, she took a seat on the bench by their bed. 

"My parents are Ferelden merchants who trade frequently with Orlais. They sent me to finishing school in Val Royeaux, and I fell in love with the Game. After persuading my older brother to take his birthright, I was free to become a bard. My parents are proud of me for joining the Inquisition. They already like a lot of the things you’ve done." 

Nyx smiled and turned back towards her. "You mentioned a brother. Do you have any other siblings?" 

Annalise’s heart seized. She looked down at her hands. Nyx began to worry they’d said something wrong. 

"Rowena, my younger sister. She’s a mage in the Circle. Or…she was. My family…lost track of her after the Circles rebelled. Nyx, I don’t know where she is. I send money to my parents to look for her, but even their resources are wearing thin-" 

"I can send Leliana’s agents to look for her." 

Annalise’s eyes flashed. "I couldn’t ask you to do that. You have far more important things to do." 

"You are important. To me. To the Inquisition. I need you at your best." 

Her mouth hung open, but she recovered her composure with a slight shake of her head. "Thank you. You are…important to me as well." 

Nyx sat on the bench beside her and let the soft light of the moon wash over them. They bumped her shoulder in good nature. Annalise smiled weakly. 

"We’ll find her, Lisi. I promise." 

"Now it’s my turn for a question. What do you do in your off time?" 

"What off time?" 

"When you’re not being some big and important Inquisitor person." 

Nyx laughed hartily. "You think I get any of that? Ever?" 

Annalise bumped them again. "Come on. You have to like doing something." 

"I could always make a sex joke about that, you know.” Their mouth curled up in a smirk. 

She deadpanned. “You’re avoiding the question by being charming." 

"Me? Charming? How odd!” They laughed together at the sarcasm. “Alright. If you really want to know that badly, I’ve always wanted to be a bard. Not the stabby, political kind. The…songs and poetry kind." 

"You sing?" 

Nyx nodded. "And play the mandolin a bit. And write songs." 

It was Annalise’s turn to smirk. "What kinds of songs?" 

"Wouldn’t you like to know.” They pushed off from the bench. 

“Actually, I would." 

Nyx shook their head. "Later. I do want to get some sleep tonight." 

Annalise stood and moved in to hug them. They accepted the gesture with a small pat on her back. Her arms felt so safe. Safer than the first time they entered Skyhold. Safer than they’d ever felt in their entire life, short as it was. When she stepped back, they wanted her to stay, but something held them back. 

"I shall be right down the hall should you require my services." 

Oh by Mythal, they were in deep. 

~~~~~~~ 

The door to the War Room opened. Annalise straightened up to follow Nyx to wherever they needed to go next. They gestured her inside, however. She glanced about to ensure they weren’t talking to someone else. Finally, Nyx tugged them inside by their wrist, shutting the heavy door behind them. The rest of Nyx’s advisors watched the spectacle with masked amusement. 

"Inquisitor, what is the meaning of-" 

Nyx grabbed a document from the table and offered it to her. Annalise looked at them questioningly. They motioned for her to read it. She scanned the text. It was a message from one of Josephine’s contacts that said the young mage had been found across the Orlesian border. She had made herself invisible to avoid detection, but the spell had worn off while she was asleep. Rowena had been taken in by some middling Orlesian nobles, who were happy to take care of her. 

”'She’ll be sent to Skyhold by carriage at once. I’ll have my own guard force escort her.’“ Her eyes turned to Nyx. She drew them into her arms and began to bounce. "Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you thank you! I-I didn’t think you would actually do it. Josephine!” She braced herself for the same enthusiasm, and Annalise did not disappoint. 

Leliana hid her smile behind her hand. “It should be no more than two days. We will be delighted to accommodate your sister here." 

"I have to send word to my parents immediately. They’ll be so excited. They already love the Inquisition, but they may owe you a life debt after this. I…Thank you." 

Leliana passed her a bit of parchment. "You can use one of my crows for this, Annalise. I know this is important to you." 

Nyx accompanied her out as she wrote her letter to her parents. They shot a quick smile over their shoulder at their advisors just before the door closed. 

~~~~~~~ 

Nyx followed as Annalise ran to the front gates. They bent over with their hands on their knees to catch their breath. They had to run after her when she heard that Rowena was arriving soon. The carriage opened as soon as it was stopped. A rather large and scary-looking guard helped the small child out onto the ground. She immediately caught sight of her sister and ran towards her, nearly tripping over her own mage robes. 

Annalise accepted her into her arms and began to cry. Rowena smiled and pulled back. She signed a few things with her hands. Annalise signed back excitedly. Nyx tilted their head. 

"She’s deaf." 

Rowena snapped her fingers to catch Annalise’s attention. She pointed at Nyx in the course of her signing, but they couldn’t comprehend it. Annalise nodded. The eight year-old signed something that made her blush. 

Nyx smiled. "What did she say?" 

"She, uhm, she said you’re very pretty." 

Nyx signed the only words they knew in the language. "Thank you.” They looked to Annalise. “Can you tell her that I think she’s pretty too?" 

Rowena signed something more with a bright grin. Annalise laughed. "She can read lips. She’s just not very good at speaking.” She led her younger sister along to a room close to theirs. 

Nyx came by to Annalise’s room once the two had finished catching up and Cassandra had taken Rowena down to supper. They knocked lightly at the open down. 

“I could never thank you enough for this, Nyx. I thought I’d never see her again." 

"I didn’t have siblings growing up, but I had friends who were as close to me as blood. If I lost them, I don’t know what I’d do to get them back.” Nyx smiled wistfully. Annalise searched their eyes.

“You miss them." 

"I do." 

Annalise held her arm at the elbow with her other hand. "I…heard of an event which happened just before I arrived at Skyhold. Your mother visited?" 

Nyx’s expression dropped. They couldn’t look at them. "Let’s not talk about it. You’re very lucky to have such kind parents." 

"Of course. On a lighter subject, would you like to go down to supper with me?" 

They were perplexed by this. "I mean, you are paid to go with me wherever I go." 

Annalise chuckled. "Yes, but I’d rather be with you when you want me around." 

Nyx offered their arm to link with hers, and so they gallivanted to the tavern, laughing arm-in-arm the whole way there.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heck yeah Winter Palace and associated juiciness. Some innuendo in this chapter, but that’s it. Just a bunch of mutual pining and fluff.

Nyx turned around in the mirror one more time. They sighed to themself and tugged at the blue sash across their chest. This didn’t go unnoticed by Vivienne and Josephine. The former tutted critically. 

“Inquisitor, I understand it is not your usual color,” Josephine began. 

“But blue would make me look cold. I understand. It just…clashes with my vallaslin. I don’t know why I wore that red armour a while back." 

Vivienne sighed from her perch by their desk. "If I might speak frankly, my dear, it did look hideous. I much prefer the set you had crafted." 

"Madame, please don’t change the subject.” Nyx ran a hand through their hair. 

“This clash could be solved if you’d only-" 

"For the last time, I’m not covering my vallaslin.” Their voice cracked indignantly. They took a few breaths to restore their calm, waving their hand to clear it. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you, but my ears can’t be changed to suit the occasion. Nothing would be gained by erasing something I’m proud of." 

Josephine nodded. "They certainly look…painful." 

"Yes. They’re meant to mark maturity. I got them after…” They fidgeted with their hands before catching themself. That was a nervous tick that the nobles would pay attention to. They could give the courtiers no quarter. 

They looked back up at their reflection. The scar by their mouth from the attack on Haven was healing nicely. They took themself in. They had to have confidence for the sake of the Inquisition. With a breath of finality, they straightened their back and squared their shoulders. 

“This will suffice." 

"Shall I inform the tailors of your gratitude?" 

Nyx smiled. "Yes, Josephine. I apologize for seeming ungrateful. It fits just as well.” They considered the golden accents for a moment. “I think I need a third opinion." 

Josephine turned towards the door of Nyx’s quarters. "Annalise, would you please come in?" 

Their eyes bulged, but they quickly rebuilt their composure as Annalise walked through the door. She stopped when she saw Nyx, tilting her head until she worked out what was different. 

"You…You look wonderful, Inquisitor, but may I ask something?” Nyx motioned for her to proceed. “Why red?" 

They nearly choked on their laughter. Vivienne huffed in derision. Josephine held a hand over her mouth to muffle her own laugh. 

"Alright, point taken. Might we have a compromise with green, then?" 

Nyx bounced onto the balls of their feet. "Of course! Blue and green compliment each other very nicely. I’ll gladly wear green.” They forced themself to calm and look to their bard once again. “Thank you, Lisi." 

"It’s my pleasure, your Worship.” Annalise bowed politely and returned to her station outside. Nyx watched her until the door closed behind. Vivienne smiled at the little display. 

“You fancy her." 

"What?" 

"You like her, my dear." 

Nyx tilted their head in further confusion. "Of course, I like her. She is a good friend." 

Vivienne sighed to herself. Josephine tried to busy herself with her request for a different color. 

"You’ve fallen in love with her." 

This knocked the wind out of them. They blinked rapidly as the words sank in. Their face flushed. The clash of red and blue on their features was unsightly indeed. "N-no! I could never-" 

"There’s no need to be bashful. You two would make an adorable couple.” Vivienne was clearly enjoying this. 

“Please keep this to yourself. I…I want to tell her when the time is right.” They clenched their fists to keep from nervously tugging at their sleeve. 

Josephine finally looked up at Nyx. “Your secret is safe with us, but I fear that there may never be a correct time.” They raised an eyebrow. “With all your business with Corypheus, I feel you must have a good sense of your chances." 

"Of survival.” Josephine averted her eyes from Nyx’s searching gaze. “That’s what you mean, isn’t it?" 

"I’m just thinking, if your time is as limited as your advisors and I fear, you may not want to hide your affections long." 

"Josephine-" 

"I have spoken my piece. Do with it what you will.” She left without further ado. 

Nyx paced anxiously. “I don’t even know if my affections are returned." 

Vivienne took a seat on the bench at the end of their bed. "That’s the nature of love. It isn’t exciting if you don’t leap." 

"How would I even begin to tell her?" 

She thought for a moment. "I heard that you were quite the charmer back with your clan." 

Nyx chuckled a bit. "Varric tell you that?" 

"Bull." 

"Ah." 

"So what did you do then?" 

They shrugged. "It wasn’t really love back then. I just…naturally flirt with people, I guess. So now that I’m actually trying to be sincere with someone, it’s incredibly awkward because I have a problem with being this emotionally vulnerable.” They words sped up from worry. 

“If you’re looking for advice, the best I can give is to be honest with her. You’re very good at that." 

"Yes!” Nyx waved their hands dramatically. “With people older than me that need a bit of perspective. Not with people I’m close to. It’s…If I die in the end, I don’t want to hurt her." 

"Hmmm, if you die, then Corypheus will not have been defeated, and she’ll be hurt regardless." 

They paused. "That’s…true enough." 

"Just think about all of this, but not for too long." 

~~~~~~~ 

Nyx caught sight of their shadow standing opposite to Cassandra. They took a grounding breath and walked up to Annalise with the utmost confidence. She smiled at them. Their resolve faltered. 

"Are you enjoying the party, madame?" 

"I enjoy the court just as much as I did when I began. As for specifics, I’m certain my colorful report will suffice." 

Nyx laughed behind their hand. "You certainly skirt the bounds of professionalism. Whatever would all these nobles think?" 

A pretty blush lit Annalise’s cheeks ablaze at the insinuation. She twirled a bit of hair. "I trust you’re enjoying the party as well." 

"I’ll enjoy the festivities when the work is done. My advisors will never let me hear the end of it if I don’t get finish this." 

Annalise clapped Nyx on the shoulder in familiarity. "Don’t forget to have fun. I’ve watched your dance practice. It would be a shame not to use those skills." 

"Save me a dance later?” They laid their hand on hers. 

Annalise felt Cassandra’s eyes on her, but Nyx’s bright smile distracted her. “Of course. I would love to dance with you." 

"I have matters to attend to.” They extracted themself from her gently. They longed to linger. 

“I shall wait for you with bated breath." 

Nyx carried on towards the guest wing, but Annalise’s touch stayed with them. They subconsciously smiled a bit more than usual. It didn’t come to their attention until Solas gestured them aside. 

"You seem very happy to be here this evening." 

"I…um.” They glanced to the side awkwardly. 

“Might there be a particularly reason?” He was clearly teasing. 

Nyx sighed to themself. “Annalise said she’d save me a dance once all this was finished. I…may be more than a little happy about that." 

Solas blinked a couple times to process it. He smiled encouragingly. "Well, then, I hope everything works out for the best. I’m glad you’ve found someone special. You might be careful, however.” Nyx tilted their head. “Make sure she doesn’t have a thing for elves. Such arrangements rarely work out auspiciously." 

"Oh, dear. I hadn’t considered that. I’ll talk to you later.” Nyx hurried off to Leliana, though not too quickly as to arouse spectacle. 

“Have you heard anything new, Inquisitor?" 

They paused, shifted their posture to something arrogant. "I may have, but I require a bit of…sensitive information in return." 

Leliana’s brows raised. She didn’t quite know what to make of this. "If you have a simple question, feel free to ask it." 

Nyx let their breath out. They glanced over their shoulder to the foyer where Annalise resided. "Does my lady-in-waiting have a, uh, a certain…preference..for elves?" 

Leliana visibly held back laughter. "You are asking me if Annalise is only paying special attention to you because you’re an elf? Wise to guard your heart in such a way, but perhaps it would be best to speak with her yourself." 

"Ugh! Of course, you don’t understand this." 

"I understand perfectly, Inquisitor. Let me ask you this: would I really have employed such a person to guard you?" 

Nyx paused. They considered the question. "You…took precautions to ensure that I wouldn’t be taken advantage of." 

Leliana smiled cryptically. "In plain language, no, the young madame holds no special preference for elves. She’s very preferential regarding you, however." 

Nyx barely kept a straight face. They could have leapt for joy. Instead, they muttered a quick "thank you” and headed for the royal wing to conclude their business. 

~~~~~~~ 

Nyx stood on the balcony with the fresh night air for a moment. Celene and Briala had been reconciled. Morrigan had joined the Inquisition. All they needed to do was give the word, and the evening could be concluded. Just when they thought about asking Josephine if they could take their leave, familiar and light footsteps echoed behind them. The warmth and music of the party followed her out. 

“You played the Game beautifully. Still, I wanted to check if you were okay. You’ve been out here a while.” Annalise leaned against the railing of the balcony. 

“Just…processing." 

"You think too much. Your royal telling off of the duchess will be sung for generations. Not to mention getting the empress and the ambassador back together." 

"But there’s so much ahead.” Nyx looked out across the grounds. 

Annalise leaned a bit close to bump their shoulder. “Come on. Take your victories where you can, Nyx. The problems will be there tomorrow, so you can deal with them then." 

Nyx glanced over at her with a fond smile. The music inside swelled so that it spilled out onto the balcony. They straightened up and offered their hand with a light bow. 

"Would you take this last dance with me?" 

Annalise grinned and took Nyx’s hand. "I would love to.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy. Associated angst with the events of Adamant ahead.

Nyx hurried up the stairs of the tavern until they reached the top level. They hid behind a few sacks of grain as somebody followed them up. She looked around, but she didn’t see them hiding. She didn’t see Cole either. After a few moments of exhausted breathing, the young human woman retreated back down the stairs in defeat. Nyx leaned their forehead onto their knees. 

“Hurt. So much hurt. You don’t want anybody else to see it, but they do.” They closed their eyes against his words. “She understands. Listens when the adults don’t. You love to sing together, but you don’t want to mess it up. You don’t want to hurt her." 

Nyx stayed silent. Cole finally took a seat beside them. 

"She loves you too. Wishes you’d stay longer at night. She wants your voice to be the last thing she hears before she wanders into the Fade. Hopes to meet you there. Her thoughts sound light when she’s around you." 

"Cole, Annalise deserves someone less complicated. Someone who’s around to love her as much as she deserves. I…I couldn’t save Stroud. I couldn’t save the Divine. I can’t lose her. I-” They cut off as tears overwhelmed their ability to speak. They shook with sobs. 

“She wants to understand. She’s worried for you. She loves you. And you love her." 

"Yes." 

"Then why can’t you be together?" 

"I don’t want her to be hurt by associating with me. I…I know what I have to do.” Nyx stood up, their fists clenched as they headed for the stairs. 

“No! That will only hurt. Nyx!" 

They headed straight for Leliana’s perch. Tears stung at their eyes, but they furiously wiped them away. She glanced up from her work momentarily. 

Nyx had to force the words out of their mouth. It felt as though they were being strangled. "I..I think it would be best if Madame Wistershire were dismissed as my lady-in-waiting." 

Leliana looked them up and down. "You don’t believe that." 

Their stare hardened, but she didn’t back down. Finally, Nyx cracked under the pressure. "No, but I really wanted to. Just…send Annalise and Rowena back to their parents. Please." 

Leliana gently steered Nyx towards a more private meeting room. She ensured that they were alone and met their eyes. "Now, tell me what this is really about." 

"Leliana-" 

"You love her! Why would you send her away like this?" 

Nyx took a deep breath. ”Because I love her. Being near me only gets people killed. Corypheus could use her against me, and the whole Inquisition crumbles if I fall.“ 

"You think she’s any safer out there with her parents?” They dropped their eyes to their hands. “If Annalise leaves Skyhold, Corypheus and his agents will hunt her even more. She’s safest here with you. Now, tell me what this is really about." 

Nyx sobbed. "I couldn’t save anyone! Not Divine Justinia. Not Stroud. I almost died in a the Fade a few times. Also: I went into the Fade and was accosted by a demon that lives on fear. I’m…I’m feeling just fine after all that.” They couldn’t help but laugh at their own dry, tasteless joke. Snot bubbled out of their nose. Leliana offered a kerchief so that they could compose themself. 

“Do you feel better after crying about it?" 

Nyx paused. ”…Yes.“ 

She pat their arm. "I can have Josephine and Vivienne look for a therapist, an emotional doctor. You shouldn’t have to go through all of this alone, and you won’t have to." 

They hugged Leliana briefly. "Thank you.” When they pulled back, the wiped their eyes with the palms of their hands. “I…Please keep Annalise here with me." 

"Of course, Inquisitor." 

"I should probably go talk to her." 

Leliana jokingly pinched Nyx’s cheek. "Good luck with your young love." 

Nyx rubbed at the spot and exited the room with a small smile. They descended the stairs and were nearly back to the hall with their quarters when a barrelling weight pushed into their back. Nyx burst into their room and whirled around to find Annalise. 

"Why the hell have you been avoiding me? I’m supposed to protect you!” she yelled. 

Nyx almost steeled themself to this, but at the last moment, their defenses crumbled. They hugged Annalise tightly. This surprised her, but she still hugged back. Nyx held both of her hands in their when they pulled away. 

“I’ve lost too many people to all of this, and I was, and still am, terrified of losing you as well. I wanted to imagine you’d been safer somewhere away from me, and then maybe, if I die, it wouldn’t hurt you as badly. All of this to say, I..I love you, Annalise." 

Her mouth hung open as she flushed pink. When her composure returned, her words were still a world away. Annalise cupped their scarred cheek in her hand and leaned in to kiss them softly. Nyx kissed back and held their arms around her waist. Their lips parted, but Nyx’s forehead stayed against hers as they breathed together as one. 

Annalise laughed breathlessly. "In case it wasn’t clear, I love you, too.”


	14. Father's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things with Blackwall's personal quest happen. Beware of spoilers.

Nyx wandered out to the barn. They were making their rounds after their return from the Emprise du Lion. Still thawing, they wanted to check on Blackwall and the nearby horses. They entered the barn expecting to see him there. A note left on the wooden carved horse caught their eye. They read it, and their stomach dropped through the floor. One of Leliana’s men stood at the open end of the barn to confirm their suspicions. They knew where he was going.

Why?

Who was this man to Blackwall? Friend? Brother? Distant family? What was so urgent that he couldn’t come to them first? And that note. There was something here. Something sinister and vile. Warden business, maybe? No. He knew better than anyone that they could handle darkspawn and other malicious beasties. This was different.

Nyx led their party of Dorian, Sera, and Cassandra to Val Royeaux in good haste. They turned the note over in their mind, puzzling it out. There was no sense in any of it. Blackwall was their friend. A close ally. He always had their back. To leave without talking to them with only a few cryptic and nonspecific notes as guidance? This wasn’t like him.

They were always disgusted and confused by public executions. The man didn't even offer anything in his defense. He was simply ready to die. Still, Cassandra boosted them up onto her shoulders to look for their friend through the thickening crowd. A familiar and magnificent beard caught the edge of their vision. Their heart stopped as they watched him interrupt the proceedings. Everything that happened next occured in a whirlwind of words and emotion. Cassandra set them on their feet, but their stomach threatened to betray them in the middle of the street. Tears pricked their eyes as they ducked into a nearby gap between buildings.

Nyx crumpled to the stone beneath them, their staff clattering down beside them. It all felt too similar. A man like their father betraying them. He wasn't who he said he was. Again. They couldn't breathe. Sera stayed back, muttering worriedly. Cassandra didn't know if it was her place after the business with their family. Dorian knelt down beside them, rubbing their back as they shivered in the warm rain. The humidity weighed down on them, pressing on their lungs.

"Do you want to go home?" he asked. His eyes searched for theirs worriedly.

Nyx shook their head. They tugged their hair back from their face with rubber wrapped in cloth. They took a deep breath and pulled themself to their feet. With an air of finality, they turned to their friends.

"I need to talk to him."

"Inquisitor, are you sure that's wise?" Cassandra looked even more concerned now.

They nodded. "There's still a good man in him. A flawed one, yet, but a good one. I need to hear what he has to say for himself, if anything. I...I owe him that much."

Dorian caught their shoulder gently. "You owe him nothing. If you don't want to-"

Nyx's voice steadied. "I do. If he..If he really is as bad as he says, then I will exact my own judgement upon him regardless. I need to speak with him. Alone."

Their party exchanged glances. Ultimately, they remained behind while Nyx ventured into the prison. They passed by the guards with a tilt of their head towards Thom Rainier's cell. They clenched their fists as they approached. It took everything they had not to burn him to a crisp.

This man wouldn’t even look them in the eye when he spoke. “I didn’t take Blackwall’s life. I traded his death. He wanted me for the Wardens, but there was an ambush. Darkspawn. He was killed. I took his name to stop the world from losing a good man. But a good man, the man he was, wouldn’t have let another die in his place.”

“I called you a friend. I trusted you. You lied to me.” Nyx forced their voice not to shake. There was a cold stillness that made them dangerous like a serpent poised to strike.

“You thought I was Blackwall. I didn’t want to tell you otherwise. As Blackwall, I was something. I had a purpose. I could make amends.” He stood and lunged forwards to shake the bars. They flinched back in surprise, almost moving to summon their magic. "Don’t you understand? I gave the order to kill Lord Callier, his entourage, and I lied to my men about what they were doing! When it came to light, I ran." He lowered his head. "Those men, my men, paid for my treason while I was pretending to be a better man!” A beat. “This is what I am. A murderer, a traitor…a monster.”

Nyx took a breath to calm themself. “Would a monster have given himself up? Somewhere along the line, you stopped pretending.”

He said nothing. Nyx shook the bar with narrowed eyes.

“Oh no. You’re going to answer me, damn it.” They barraged him with questions, learning everything. When they’d finished their interrogation, they stepped back from the bars to spare him another look. He at least had the decency to feel guilty. Maybe that was a start.

They retreated towards the entrance of the cells. They wanted to just leave this place. Cullen stepped from the shadows.

“I have Leliana’s report on Thom Rainier.”

Nyx scanned the paper. “Give me the overview.”

“Looks like our friend was once a respected captain in the Imperial Orlesian army. Before the civil war, he was turned, persuaded to assassinate one of Celene’s biggest supporters. He led a group of fiercely loyal men on this mission, and told them nothing of it. His men took the fall for him. A few lucky ones, like Mornay, managed to escape.”

“This is helpful. Or at least educational.” They tucked it away hurriedly.

“Don’t blame yourself. We all made this mistake.” Cullen paused. “What do we do now? Blackw-…Rainier has accepted his fate, but you don’t have to. We have resources. If he’s released to us, you may pass judgment on him yourself.”

Nyx shook their head. They couldn’t think. Not with the dense air stifling them.

Cullen seemed to understand what they couldn’t bring themself to say. “We must move quickly. We can explore our options back at Skyhold.”

They turned and rejoined their companions outside, leading the way out of Val Royeaux and towards their mounts for the journey back to Skyhold. Nyx had accepted horses as a necessary evil. They spoke little for a long time. Dorian rode beside them, a comforting presence. The silence ate away at them. They hadn’t realized that they were humming quietly until Cassandra caught their attention.

“Do you require a distraction, Inquisitor?”

Nyx didn’t laugh. They didn’t even smile. There was something broken, a deep-seeded anger that hadn’t been there before. A blizzard burning them up from the inside. They were very grateful they hadn’t brought Cole for this. Still, the rest of them could tell what Nyx was feeling, though not what they were thinking. They thought of what to say. What could they ask for? “You spoke of the real Nevarra once. Do you have any stories of the place?”

Cassandra let the stilted conversation continue. “It is not so different from Ostwick. I understand that your clan is familiar with that city.”

“Heh. Nobles and markets and alienages. A Circle tower which I was told to steer clear of. Templars. A few city elves came from the place to join our clan, though I understand that Dalish elves do not frequent Navarra.”

Cassandra glanced away. “No such…respite, was available for our elves. Perhaps Dorian may distract you better.”

“No. No, I’m sorry. This feels so inane considering what happened. Like I’m trying to block something which shouldn’t be. I…I should be feeling all of this. I need to get through the emotions so I may judge clearly once I’m back.”

She made a critical noise in the back of her throat. “You can’t expect to cycle through all of it. I certainly won’t have by the time we return to Skyhold.”

Nyx’s shoulders sagged. Dorian tossed them a package of cookies. How they did love their sweets. “You thought of him like a father, didn’t you?”

“Dorian-“

“No use in denying it, Blue,” Sera piped up from behind.

“Fine. I did. He…He was just like my father before everything happened. Funny that I didn’t expect something like this considering how that ordeal turned out. Hah. Less blood magic this time around.” Nyx was bitter and angry.

Their halla whinnied, instantly setting them on edge. They let their ears move to scan for noise around them. Nyx dismounted and whipped out their staff. They walked alongside their mount for a few paces.

“There,” Cassandra whispered. “Venatori.”

A sick smile bloomed on their lips. They rushed forth and charged their staff for a blow. Nyx’s knight-enchanter training did well with their desire to hit things in that moment. Their companions hardly scratched the three soldiers before Nyx had dispatched them without trouble. Yet they kept hitting. And hitting. And hitting. The blue armor streaked with blood. Dorian caught their arm as they were taking another swing.

“They could only be more dead if I brought them to walk and you killed them again.” His teasing did nothing to assuage them. Cassandra’s stare hardened. Sera was plainly terrified. Nyx became acutely aware of their situation. They took a deep breath.

“Alright. I think I’m better. I just needed to get it out.”

Cassandra tilted her head when finally she got it. “You share the need to hit things out of frustration? I always thought you so even-keel.”

Nyx sighed. “Even my patience has its limits.”

“I see. Well, better someone who deserves it, then. Best to control these outbursts once we return.” She sheathed her sword and returned to her mount.

Nyx tentatively followed suit with their own ride. Sera seemed to relax, but she was still keeping a close eye on them for any twitches. They carried on with the journey. The atmosphere eased to quiet and infrequent small talk, somewhat like normal.

~~~~~~~

When Nyx arrived that night, Annalise accompanied them back to their quarters, hand sliding comfortably into theirs as they came into the hallways and stairwells leading up to their privacy. They embraced her tight as soon as the door shut behind them. She pressed one of her hands against their back to comfort them. She shooshed them until the sobs subsided.

“I read the report. I’m so sorry.”

Nyx burried their eyes in her neck. She smelled like Skyhold. Morning dew and fresh wood and pies from the kitchens. They'd grown so used to her that it calmed them as their lover held them tighter, strong and warm. There was a hard set to her jaw, which had settled atop their head.

"I haven't decided what to do with him, Lisi. I don't know anymore. I just-"

"Shh." Annalise tangled her fingers in their hair, brushing against their scalp. The deep pressure helped. A little less fear clouded their mind as Annalise led them back towards their bed to sit. "You can judge him tomorrow, love. For tonight, heal your heart and let the feelings linger awhile."

Nyx casually glanced over at their desk and noticed a small pile of sweets. They gave Annalise a questioning expression as they flicked their eyes back and forth.

"Vivienne and Josephine's doing. Enjoy them at your leisure." She ran her hand through the shaved side of their head.

Nyx smiled with a hint of melancholy, sunshine and rain all at once. They wiped a few of the tears from their cheeks and went over to grab the tray to bring it over. They worldlessly offered some to Annalise. She tentaviely ate one, and her smile could have settled the mage-templar conflict.

After a while, Nyx took one of the petit fors out onto the balcony with them. The stars played overhead as the sun sank low on the horizon. The sunset lit Annalise's skin a pretty pink. She settled beside them with an arm around their hip. The thoughts let them be, if only until the morning.

~~~~~~~

Nyx watched from their throne as a few of their soldiers brought Thom up from the cells. They already knew what they needed to do. Still, that didn't make this any easier.

"For judgement this day, Inquisitor, I must present Captain Thom Rainier, formerly known to us as Warden Blackwell. His crimes...well, you are aware of his crimes. It was no small expense to bring him here, but the decision of what to do with him is now yours."

The hall stood silent. Each of their companions stood at the sides of the hall, waiting to see what would become of one they'd trusted. Cassandra's frowned, glaring at his back.

Nyx steepled their fingers in front of their mouth. "I didn't think this would be easy, but it's harder than I thought."

"Another thing to regret. Using your ties to the nobility to free me? Those favors had use elsewhere. The world will learn how you've used your influence. They'll know the Inquisition is corrupt." Blackwall motioned with his shackled hands to the nearby courtiers.

"I wish there'd been another way, but my options were limited."

"You could've left me there!" Nyx didn't flinch at his louder voice this time. Instead, their brow furrowed even as he droned on. "I accepted my punishment. I was ready for all this to end. Why would you stop it? What becomes of me now?"

"Blackwall saw good in you. I can claim the same in that regard. He intended you join the Wardens. I will let them decide your fate. But only when Corypheus is dead. For now, Thom Rainier, the Inquisition needs you."

"As you command."

Nyx clasped their hands onto their arm rests. "I'm told not all survive the Joining, and the life of a true Warden is difficult."

"If I die, it will be no less than I deserve. And if I live...I will make it count." Thom paused to finally look at them. "I am grateful for this, Inquisitor. And I will serve for as long as I can."

Nyx nodded and gestured for the soldiers to release his bonds. They made no move to get close to him again, instead moving off to the war room. They retreated to the safety of solitude. They'd nearly made it all the way down the hall when the door opened again behind them. Their hand stayed just above the doorknob.

"Nyx, I...Thank you."

They closed their eyes, shaking their head sadly. "Tell me something. Were we ever really friends? Or was that a lie as well?" They didn't turn to face him.

Blackwall swallowed thickly. "Yes. I counted you as a friend. Still do if you'll have me."

Nyx let out a shallow breath. After a long pause, they turned and walked up to him. They brought their arms around him and squeezed until he groaned, a bit surprised at their strength. He hugged them back. They leaned up to growl in his ear.

"Lie to me like that again, and I will show no mercy. Understood?"

Blackwall's hug slackened momentarily. "Of course, Inquisitor. I would expect no less."

Nyx smiled sadly as they finally retreated into their war room, the seat of their power. So that's what they'd learned from this. Well, shit.


End file.
